Being Real
by Scottea
Summary: Even the finest of officers has moments when they daydream and act out fantasies but they then must pay a price for not being real, although sometimes others pay the price for their role-playing. Thanks Paramount for letting me play with them.
1. Chapter 1

It had, on reflection, been a rough mission; they had gone to Starbase Eight for some minor repairs to the Enterprise and a much needed period of shore leave for the crew. Admiral Billings had requested a meeting with both Commodore Fallet and himself, scheduled to take up to four days starting the day after arrival. Captain James T Kirk knew it would be a taxing four days so had spent the day of arrival going over files and resting. When he had asked what it was about all he had been told was it was to do with the events that had happened aboard the Enterprise while Commodore Fallet was aboard and when he was in command.

As though that was not bad enough Kirk had no idea where any of the bridge crew were or what they were up to. Upon arrival they all seemed to have just vanished. It was most unlike them but, Kirk shrugged his shoulders, it had been a very trying mission. Some had found it worse than others as Commodore Fallet had relieved them all of their duties by the end of the mission claiming they were all incompetent. Kirk knew he should have stood up for his crew but it was Commodore Fallet, Commodore Theodore Harold Fallet. For so many years Kirk had read about the man and was mildly in awe of him. When the chance had come to transport the man from Station Z-24 Kirk had been almost ecstatic. Command let him know that on the fourteen day trip Fallet would be in command of the Enterprise as it would be his last time to command a starship before he was base-bound. Commodore Fallet had many commendations and was known throughout the galaxy as a man of action. There had just been something about the man that Kirk found totally mesmerizing. As soon as they were free to go on leave not one of the bridge crew remained on the ship and none had told him of their plans. Only McCoy had said he was going to get away for a few days but gave no specifics. He had not heard from nor seen Spock since he left the bridge days ago.

When Kirk arrived at Admiral Billings' office he was shown in and saw Commodore Fallet already there, sitting back and enjoying a drink. "Ahh, Kirk. I am sure you will be able to set the record straight on what happened out there at Bannet Base as we have two very different versions of what happened: Commodore Fallet's report and that from the relieving Base Commander. Briefly, what happened?"

"It was a bad experience in garbled communications. We did not fully understand their message and they did not fully understand ours. We mistook their warning shots to be an attack on us and we returned fire."

"Isn't sending two photon torpedoes a bit excessive?"

"At the time it was believed we were under direct attack, Sir."

"And this was your decision?"

"No, it was Commodore Fallet's but I agreed with it."

"Did your First Officer agree with it?"

"No but he had opposing ideas to how the Commodore saw the situation, even to how the Commodore operates."

"On the recordings of your communications with Bannet Base he can clearly be heard saying it was a highly illogical and reckless action and that more details were required to ascertain why you were fired upon. You, his Captain, were completely, almost contemptibly, dismissive of his comments and said something along the lines of Commodore Fallet being in command and not to question him. What was your reasoning for that and why did you not agree or at least wait until you knew why they had fired?"

"Because Commodore Fallet said it was the best way to deal with the situation as they had fired on us and he was in command at the time."

"On reflection would you still use photon torpedoes?"

"No, but at the time,"

"Did you ever find out why they fired at you?"

"No, they just told us to leave, that they wanted no help."

"And you left?"

"Neither the Commodore or I were willing to risk the ship or the crew so we left."

"Did you feel the ship was at risk?"

"The Commodore,"

"**I am asking you**, Captain Kirk. Setting aside what the Commodore thought - **did you**, as the Captain of the Enterprise, feel the ship was at risk?"

Kirk thought for a moment and remembered how torn he had been between what Spock was telling him and what the Commodore was saying. "Judging from the weapons and the analysis of my First Officer I did not feel the ship was at immediate risk and I would have waited. I would have tried to get through the static, tried to find out what those missing words were."

"That is what I thought as you sent your ship's Chief Medical Officer, Communications Officer, and Science Officer to Bannet Base to assist with a Gainine epidemic and to get started on the repair work. That was a very wise and commendable decision on your behalf. Did you stop to think what you were sending them into?"

"Gainine?" Kirk's mind raced as he knew it was a very serious disease but that was about all. It was one of the few that would have any planet, base, or station with an outbreak be listed as out-of-bounds till the outbreak had been cleared. Total quarantine.

"Yes. They have had an outbreak of Gainine there and their communications system is not working to full capacity which is why they fired warning shots. They fired warning shots to keep you away, to stop it spreading. Most of the deaths have been of the very young and the old but it has, as that disease seems to do wherever there is an outbreak, also decimated a third of the adult population. That photon torpedo did a lot of damage as well. When I asked about what you have sent them into I was not referring so much about the disease as the hostility they will encounter. Your First Officer said he was aware of the possibility of conflict."

Kirk stood, "I have to go there."

"Sit down, Kirk. Lieutenant Uhura and Doctor McCoy told me that they wanted to go and Mister Spock assured us he would see no harm came to them. He said he will let those at the base know that he is the senior officer and therefore the one to take the consequences of the action. Doctor McCoy has officially quarantined the base."

"But," Kirk looked at the Admiral then at the Commodore as he realized the possible danger Bones, Uhura and Spock had put themselves in and slowly sat down. "We, we could have sent them aid without,"

"The base needed medical help and help getting their communications relays fixed as it was and after that attack they will need a lot more. I am sure, knowing your First Officer's record, we will get a most comprehensive assessment as to what is needed. Your First Officer gave us the barest of outlines of the situation and requested we have a fully loaded medium range craft ready for their arrival. He pointed out that it was our error that had worsened the situation and that is was therefore our responsibility to do something about it: that the people to go there had to be from the Enterprise. We agreed. He informed us that you two were the ones to ask about the reason for the actions of the Enterprise, that you two would be best to explain what exactly transpired. He estimates they will be back shortly before the Enterprise is ready to ship out. Till then you two are confined this facility, you will now be escorted to your quarters on the Enterprise to get what you will need for the next four days and then taken to your new accommodations. We will discuss this matter more fully over the coming days as you both review your reports. We will address the matter again when the three officers return."

Only then did Fallet speak, "There really is no need for all this. As stated in my report we were traveling with our shields down, thereby indicating we were a non-hostile vessel, we had open channels and received no communication from them and we were fired upon by those on Bannet Base without warning. To let them know that we would fully engage with them it was necessary to show our superiority and while a single photon torpedo might have been sufficient I knew two would let them know who had the power. It has always proven effective for me in the past and it did in this case."

The Admiral looked at Fallet with annoyance, anger, and disgust, "Somebody with your experience and rank should know that there are bases throughout the galaxy where, for any number of reasons, there are no weapons that could damage any craft. You should have seen that Bannet Base only had the standard warning weapons. If you had paused to think long enough and listen to others you would have known Bannet Base has no major weapons and that you were not under attack but were being warned away. They have only what they fired at you to use as a warning. A," he turned his attention to Kirk, "Captain is responsible for **all actions** on his ship. A good Captain listens to his bridge crew and senior officers before taking action when there is time. An outstanding Captain who knows that an error was made does as you did, sends, again as you did, a core team to assess what his error caused so that repairs can be made."

Fallet said, "We did not receive the standard radio warning. We are not in error."

"You mean there was total radio silence?"

"Yes, the Communications Officer did not report any message from the Base."

Kirk's mind raced back to just before the photon torpedo order was given. Fallet had seemed to become enlivened and then was highly annoyed when Uhura had said something. What was it?

"**No**," Kirk looked at the Admiral puzzled by why he had not remembered it before. "No, Lieutenant Uhura, the Communications Officer, advised us that there was a lot of gibberish, a lot of static. She reported that she could not get through the static but she could make out the words 'out' and 'gain' being repeated." He looked steadily at Fallet as his mind filled in the possible missing parts, a warning of an outbreak of gainine, "She asked if you wanted it on speaker and you said no, that it would only be a stall tactic of theirs. She asked again and you told her that you were in command. You told her you were going to show them in control and that if she," An odd numbness took over his body and he just looked at the Commodore as the numbness turned into anger, "was so incapable of fulfilling the duties of her position she could leave the bridge."

"Somebody had to, Kirk. If we had not shown our authority we could not be sure they would not fire something more substantial at the ship. I did not need to know there was only gibberish and if she had been as good an officer as I was led to believe she would not have wasted time telling me that."

SilentlyJim Kirk cursed himself for allowing himself to have been so mesmerized by Fallet, for trying to experience how Fallet commanded. He had read of all Fallet had accomplished and had wanted to feel what it was like, a way so different from his own. There had been moments of exhilaration but it had been so different and now he realized the cost of that experience. Anger started to grow in him as he remembered all the times Fallet had accused his crew of not knowing how to do their jobs, the many times Fallet had dismissed them from the bridge for the slightest of reasons. The anger turned to self-loathing as he remembered he had not once spoken up for his crew, he had just let Fallet be in charge. Even when Fallet had verbally attacked Spock he had remained silent, apart from the last time when he had openly supported Fallet and had. No. No he would not think of that now.

"If you gentlemen will excuse me I think I will go to the Enterprise and get what I will need." Kirk stood and started to walk to the door then turned and looked at the Admiral, "You mentioned an escort."

"They are right outside the door."

* * *

A/N Thought I would finish 2013 by starting something. . . Hope you enjoy it and have a good 2014.


	2. Chapter 2

Back on the ship Kirk decided to check his computer as he was sure either Bones or Spock would have left a message. There was one from Scott, Uhura, McCoy and Spock. Scott's was to the point, "Captain; Chekov, Sulu and I are going to get roaring drunk to forget that the last three weeks ever happened. We wanted to go with Mister Spock but he said no in that way nobody can get around. We will return to the ship when she is ready. Scott out."

Uhura's was next, "Captain: I have gone with Mister Spock and Doctor McCoy to help repair the communications system on Bannet Base. Mister Spock was set to go by himself as he said he would not endanger other officers by asking they accompany him knowing there is a possibility of a very understandably hostile reception. I explained to him that I could get the communications system working while he took care of other matters. He set certain conditions I do not agree with but will respect and abide by in order to go. I know he was very reluctant at first when I said I agreed and was going but said he welcomed my experience and exceptional expertise in many fields, especially in communications. Sir, it was like he did before you and that thing on the bridge when he corrected that thing, stood up for us against that thing, let us know that at least somebody else recognized we knew our part. He acknowledged that I know what I am doing and that I am very good at it. We should return before the Enterprise is ready to ship out. Uhura out."

Kirk sat very still for a moment then shook his head. She was so right. He had not stood up for his crew. He had let himself get too involved with trying Fallet's way he had almost lost Kirk's way. He let out a sigh, not too sure if he wanted the lecture or not then he clicked McCoy's message. "Well, Jim boy, you got totally blinded by Fallet, didn't you?" McCoy started his message in his usual friendly questioningly way. "I'm still madder than hell at you for what you did and may have calmed down enough to be sociable towards you when we get back. That Fallet-caused blindness is the only reason I can think of that would have let you let a photon torpedo be fired on a base without a solid reason, especially when Spock was so against it. Whatever Fallet did to you must have not only totally blinded you but also taken away your mind for you to have done what you did to Spock. That stubborn, green-blooded computer you used to almost always listen to is set to go into an already stirred-up hornet's nest as your proxy and help those people and I will be damned if he is going alone. While those people are going to need medical aid we both know they are not going to look on us too kindly as we did attack them and are likely to seek revenge of some sort. It took some doing to talk him into taking me as he thought you might need me more here but I got him to see the logic of the situation. Of course before he said yes he told me if I went I had to agree, even if things get extremely hostile, that I would not to interfere with or object to any action taken or decision made by him. I think we both know what he means by that. Like a blasted fool I agreed. We have to get there and contain that gainine: I'll keep Spock away from direct contact with it. If it were to get off that Base there is not telling what havoc could result. We will be back in plenty of time. Oh, while we are away you can try to find the James Kirk we know and care about. That thing we have had for three weeks that looked like him has been destroying relationships and people. I will do my best to keep our hobgoblin from getting himself killed. McCoy out."

Momentarily James Kirk got up and walked around his quarters. Had he really been that captivated by Fallet, so blinded to what Fallet's actions were doing to his crew? He knew the man's reputation for success in his missions but he had not looked at his reputation with his crew. He did know that Fallet had the highest turnaround of crew but had always put it down to fatigue. Now he wondered if it wasn't for something else.

Not sure he really wanted to see Spock's message he sat for quite some time before the computer, took a deep breath, and then hit display. "Official message to Captain James T Kirk, Federation Starship Enterprise, from First Officer Spock, Federation Starship Enterprise. Captain Kirk, while on route to Starbase Eight I took the liberty of contacting Admiral Billings and requested that a medium range craft with warp capabilities be fully stocked with emergency and medical supplies as well as electronic equipment so that upon our arrival I could take it back to Bannet Base and oversee the repair work of the damage we caused. I explained there had been an incident that you and Commodore Fallet could best fully explain but that it was imperative for someone from Starfleet, or more specifically from the Enterprise, to return to explain why the incident occurred and assist in whatever way possible. I further explained that as I not only had firsthand knowledge of what happened but also the computer expertise which will be required to effect repairs I was the best suited and therefore the most logical one to go. As per your orders I stayed in my quarters and had no contact with other Enterprise crew until we arrived back at Starbase Eight. Upon arrival at Starbase Eight, at the end out the mission, I again spoke with fellow officers to explain what I was going to do and to take my leave from them. I was unable to dissuade either Lieutenant Uhura or Doctor McCoy from accompanying me. I thoroughly explained to them that we will encounter an extremely hostile reception and likely find working there most difficult but they both insisted and used highly, for humans, persuasive logic to get me to agree. Before allowing either of them to accompany me **I made** **both of them agree** that **under no circumstances** are they to interfere with nor argue about any action I take or decision I make. Should the mission be successful and incident-free we will return in time for them to rejoin the Enterprise before her next mission. Should the mission not be successful I will find a way for both the Lieutenant and the Doctor to be returned safely and unharmed.

"Captain Kirk, there may be those on Bannet Base who adhere to the old belief that one person is responsible therefore one person must pay for what transpired and if that is so I will, as the senior officer, accept full responsibility and take whatever the consequences are for such an action as dictated by their laws. Further, as per your orders to stay the hell out of your life,** I did not seek you out **to tell you of my plans. As First Officer **I failed you** aboard the Enterprise and I apologise for that, Sir. I failed in my duty to make you see logic on the bridge, I failed to stop you from allowing such an action to take place, but I trust you will see the logic in my actions now. While my failure to get you to reconsider the actions taken on the bridge plays a part in my decision it was your request that I stay out of your life that showed me that my action has been the only one I can make. Upon completion of this mission to Bannet Base **I will not** **be rejoining the Enterprise**, Admiral Billings already knows of this and has my request duly noted." There was a pause then Spock gave him the Vulcan salute, "Live long and prosper, Captain James T. Kirk. Spock out."

For a long time Kirk just sat trying to calm himself the way Spock had tried to teach him. He had to think of what to do, he had to calm himself and think of what had to be done, he had to accept what is, is.

As usual Spock had thought of all the possibilities and made plans accordingly. Spock would have known that McCoy would, upon arrival, have the base quarantined, thus keeping him off, _and out of danger_ whispered a quiet voice in his mind. He was taking the blame as he felt responsible. That blasted Vulcan seemed to want to take responsibility for any crew member's error that he was even slightly aware of. For McCoy to have quarantined the base they would already have arrived.

The officer who had walked him over still stood by the door waiting. Kirk was pleased he could not see the screen and could only tell that he had finished reading his messages.

"I need another few minutes."

"Understood, Sir."

In an attempt to lighten the situation Kirk said, "Guess you have had a few wayward Captains to escort."

The young officer looked at him, "Totally off the record, Sir, but we seem to only have these escort duties when Commodore Fallet is involved. For some reason he just seems to cause trouble. Usually it is trying to find his crew who often do not want to go back on the same ship as him and we have had three Captains who did not want him back on their ships."

Another thing Kirk had not known about Fallet. He had caused trouble for other Captains and their crews. How many officers had he mistreated? If how he had allowed Fallet to treat his crew was any indication there were a lot of shattered officers out there.

How could he have failed to stand up for his crew in front of Fallet when he would call them slow and incompetent? First was Chekov for being a one one hundredth of a degree short of what he ordered, then Sulu had taken more than seven seconds to respond, Scotty had been unable to tell him the exact amount of power they were using without looking at the monitors, Uhura for questioning him about not wanting to hear a message on audio, McCoy for being on the bridge for no reason, and Spock. Spock had seemed to be his main target: finding fault with everything he did or said, questioning him and his abilities, and Spock had taken it. Not once had he spoken up against Fallet regarding his own performance, only in defense of that of the crew. They had all seen how hurt Spock was by it and by his Captain's silence. Five times Fallet had sent Spock from the bridge for what he considered insubordination when Spock had defended the actions of others and Spock had gone. Kirk now saw it as Spock doing what he should have done, what was his duty as Captain to do, defend the actions of his crew. Each time Spock had spoken to Fallet it had been a fair criticism of his treatment of the others. No matter what Fallet had said Spock never spoke back about his own treatment and Kirk had seen how he had looked at the others at those times as though telling them not to interfere.

Then had come the time when McCoy came to the bridge. Kirk closed his eyes, put his head in his hands, and clearly remembered that last time. McCoy had come onto the bridge. He had always come to the bridge when things were quiet in Sickbay, while he professed it was just to pass time Kirk knew those blue eyes were carefully studying each and every officer for any hint of tiredness or any other factor that might lessen their efficiency. For some reason Fallet did not like it and asked, "What the hell are you doing on my bridge?"

McCoy had looked stunned and said, "Just passing the time making sure that everybody is okay."

"If they were not I would send them to you. You were not sent for nor are you wanted on my bridge. You are a subordinate officer who should know better. You lack the proper clearance level and you certainly lack the basic skills to be of any use,"

"Sir, with all due respect, Doctor McCoy has far more basic skills than you will possibly ever have." Spock had moved to stand next to McCoy and looked at Fallet, "He has a higher clearance level than you or even I have, and his position as ship physician allows him the right to,"

"You, you again!" Fallet had turned his attention to Spock, controlled fury had bee clear on his face, "How Kirk tolerates you is beyond my comprehension. A Captain is in command of the ship and especially when on the bridge. You should be honored to be First Officer but you seem to forget you are a mere subordinate to a Captain. You should know it is your role to remain silent unless asked by a superior officer for you opinion and then it is your duty to agree with their decision. I do not tolerate such gross insubordination. I control my bridge my way. Leave my bridge and do not return. Doctor, you go too as you are of absolutely no use here."

Spock had looked at him and he had, at that time for reasons he now did not understand, seen Fallet's point of needing to be in control. Spock had kept looking at him and started, "Captain, surely you do not agree with,"

"I do, First Officer. You have constantly contradicted the Commodore, corrected him when it was totally unnecessary. I now see how it could be. For too long I have not had true control." Kirk remembered the rage building in him, "You are nothing to me but an insubordinate subordinate officer who has grossly overstepped the line for the last time. You are confined to your quarters for the rest of this mission and are to have absolutely no contact with any other crew member until then. I am the Captain of this ship. I am your superior officer. Now get the hell off my bridge and stay the hell out of my life."

Spock had just stood looking at him for a moment, then nodded his head once, and said, "Yes, Sir." and left the bridge.

Bones had stood quietly, till Spock had left the bridge without looking at anybody. Then very slowly the doctor had glared at Fallet, "Sir, **you can be assured I ****will not**** return to the bridge** **while you are here** unless I am escorted here by at least three heavily armed guards with weapons set on kill pointed unwaveringly at me and then only if somebody **other than you** is dying." he turned and looked very levelly at him for a moment, then sighed and shook his head, "And after how you just let him treat Spock, after what you just said and did to Spock, **I do not know who or what the devil you are** and, right now, **I don't even want to know you** or ever again have anything to do with you." and left without looking back. Since then McCoy had not spoken directly to him and had deliberately avoided him by having the entire medical staff tell him McCoy was too busy to see him and that, by regulations, would only see him if he were injured, the ship was under attack, or a member of the crew was dying..

As he thought over what Spock had said in the recording Kirk realized the Vulcan had not called him Jim once. He had not even called him just Captain. There had been no expression on his face other than the full Vulcan one it had taken him years to get behind. There had been no familiarity at all in his voice. It had been totally official and by regulations with absolutely nothing personal. The only part of his report that showed a human aspect was his concern for Uhura and McCoy. Kirk had not spoken to or seen the Vulcan since he had calmly walked off the bridge. A knot was slowly forming deep within him as he realized how much he had hurt the one person who had always been there for him, the one person he trusted more than he trusted himself. Spock had known he would not have let him go back to Bannet Base, would not have let him accept responsibility, and would not have let him go to face what those at the Base might do. If the people on the Base were infuriated at the action he had allowed there was no telling what they might do. James Kirk knew that Spock would protect Uhura and McCoy at all costs just as he knew he would give his life if it meant no action would be taken against the Federation or him. Briefly Kirk shook his head; Spock had known it could very easily turn out to be a suicide mission. If it turned out to be that Kirk realized he would have driven Spock to it. He was responsible. Responsible not only as a Captain of a ship but also as a friend. Whatever happened to Spock and the others was his responsibility.

He stood up. It would be fine. When they came back he and Spock could talk. They would have to return here and when they did he would make Spock listen to him, he would get Spock to understand. It was not a no win situation. . When it was over they would talk. He would get Spock to see what had happened. It would be okay. Spock would understand. For a moment he relaxed then remembered that there was something about gainine and Vulcans he had once read when he first met Spock and wanted to know more about Vulcans. And Bones had said in his message about keeping Spock clear of it. He turned to the computer, "Computer, show details on gainine and Vulcans." It only took a moment for the screen to fill with information and it seemed like a very virulent and contagious disease and then he read "While Vulcanoids show an unusual immunity to the disease it is fatal to Vulcanoid species if the virus enters directly into their circulatory system. Once it is in the copper based blood it starts an irreversible cellular collapse resulting in death within sixty-four to seventy-two standard hours." His eyes seemed to only see "an irreversible cellular collapse resulting in death" as a sickening feeling started in the pit of his stomach. Spock would have known it was gainine, known it was fatal to Vulcans, and gone in his place.

No! He remembered to breathe again as he reminded himself that Spock was a most careful man. Spock would know what to watch out for. Spock would just advise and be well away from any danger. Some voice in the back of his head repeated, "_While my failure to get you to reconsider the actions taken on the bridge plays a part in my decision it was your request that I stay out of your life that showed me that my action has been the only one I can make. I will __**not be rejoining the **_**_Enterprise_**_." _No, for a moment he silenced the voice as he knew how logically Spock viewed things and he just had to explain how his leaving the Enterprise was illogical and emotionally based.

The voice at the back of his head came back, "_Vulcans do not believe in suicide but deliberate accidents do happen. My action Suicide mission. Not rejoining the Enterprise. Suicide mission._ "

Quickly shaking off the thought he would not finish and slowly letting out a long breath he packed the few things he would need and left the Enterprise. The room he was taken to was smaller than his quarters but then it was just a bedroom with an ensuite which was all that was needed. All Kirk wanted to do was have a shower and a quick rest to calmly regroup his thoughts. He would need to as he had to face another day with Fallet and the Admiral before he found a way to get to them, and to get **all** of them back.

* * *

A/N Too hot and dry outside to be in the garden so thought I would quickly type and post part two and see how it goes. Have just over ten hours to get all the things done that I wanted to get done around this place by 2014 so best get to them. Enjoy the new year.


	3. Chapter 3

As he started to unpack his bag Kirk nodded to himself. He would explain to them all how he was oddly overly mesmerized, actually more like captivated, by the sensation that different form of command had. They were a good crew, they knew him, they had been through worse together and were still the command team others wanted to be. It all seemed as though he were just following Fallet's lead. It had come on gradually as though the more he was with Fallet the more he craved that. He stopped and looked at the shirt in his hands.

His shirt. That morning and afternoon coffee. The way Fallet would always walk up behind his seat put his hands on his shoulders and comment on how great it was to be there in charge. In charge. **No**. Kirk shook his head. All his training had conditioned him against such an overpowering egotistical need. Had. Then why had he yielded to Fallet's way when it was so different from his? The hands on his shoulders. The gloved hands. Fallet's claim to needing the gloves to treat a skin condition. The coffee. Fallet always got their coffee. No. No, a man with Fallet's history, with his record. It was foolish to even think it. His fingers tightened on his shirt for a moment then he went to the desk-top communicator, "It's Captain Kirk here."

"Yes, Captain Kirk, what can we do for you?"

"I, I," he shook his head realizing as he said it how ludicrous it sounded. "I need to arrange an immediate complete medical diagnostic testing of myself and a complete scientific breakdown of all substances on some clothing. I need **full results** within ten standard hours."

He was aware that it was largely due to having seen Lieutenant Uhura deal with so many unusual transmissions that he understood the promptness and efficiency of the officer he was talking with, "I have ordered those for you, Sir and," there was a momentary pause, "A technician from the science labs will be arriving at your accommodation in six standard minutes and you are to report to the medical annex in fifteen minutes and see Doctor Wallis." Another pause, "The quickest way to the annex from your accommodation is to come down to the main lobby and through the door immediately opposite the reception desk, up the slight ramp and through the double doors on the left."

"Thank you."

The technician who came for his shirt acted as though it were the more normal thing to do at this hour and confirmed all the tests that were to be done that when the results were wanted. It had not taken him long at the medical annex, Doctor Wallis was totally unlike McCoy in personality but Kirk could tell from the questions the man asked that he was as thorough as McCoy.

Even as he finally went to sleep he found himself doubting himself and what had possessed him to act as he had, to treat his crew as he had. He had been ordered to let Fallet have command as it was to be Fallet's last trip on a starship, he had told the crew that those were the orders, but to have acted as he had, to have said what he had. Fallet had even said, "Kirk, you are the ideal First Officer. You agree with me and reinforce my command. The strong puppet as I liked my Firsts to be."

On the shuttle to Bannet Base McCoy had watched Spock. Total control. Everything in the shuttle had been positioned so they would be fully ready and operational when they arrived, there had been just enough room for Uhura and himself. Spock had even made it so they were unable to sit near him. They could talk to him but not get close to him. He could see the Vulcan slipping back into the near total Vulcan mode they had all been working so hard for so long to get him out of. On the second day of the trip Spock had turned and looked at them and for a moment McCoy saw the Spock they knew, watched as he handed them each a small bag, nodded, and turned back to his task of getting them to Bannet Base as quickly as possible, reverting to the Vulcan mode that was slowly reclaiming him.

Uhura had looked at him with a puzzled and worried look on her face but nodded and opened her bag, her right hand quickly covering her lips as she closed her eyes. Years ago they had been at Starbase Three at a time when an exhibition of old Earth items from the various continents was on display. She closed her eyes tighter to fight tears as the memories came back. The fee to get in to see the whole display was more than she could readily afford and she had been standing in line to get an hour long pass to see the music of the 1950's when Spock had walked up to her and she first thought there was something wrong with the ship. He looked at her and said, "Miss Uhura, I would be honoured if you would allow me to escort you through the whole exhibition; it will take us the rest of the afternoon." It had been wondrous and she had seen a part of Spock that day she had only suspected existed, she had seen him actually enjoying the music, the moment, without analyzing it. Carefully she lifted out of the bag an antique boxed set of some recordings she had started quietly singing and dancing to in the great hall. She remembered it had been one of the items available for sale and after the tour she had gone back and had asked the curator about getting a copy of the recording but was told that a buyer had already taken it and the other two that made up the set. She knew she would never ask what he paid for it as she knew Spock would never say. As she had felt something else in the bag she reached in again and pulled out a beautiful necklace from the same era.

McCoy nodded then opened his. After years of needling the man he dreaded to think that was in it for him. Carefully from in the bag he took out an old bag he recognized as one used by doctors on Earth in the nineteenth century and when he opened it he paused, a pair of medium-sized bottles encased in their original wooden presentation box. For a few seconds he looked at it then at the back of the Vulcan. Even on Earth this was a rare and very expensive drink. Three years ago, when they were on Starbase Four, there had been a bottle of this opened at another table and Spock had been able to get two shot glasses of it, one for Jim and one for him. It was the sort of drink you took your time with and savoured. Neither of them ever asked Spock how he was able to get the two small glasses but they had often talked about it and that taste. Two whole bottles, still in their original wooden box. There was something else at the bottom of the bag, a small register of some sort. He vaguely remembered having seen them in the old medical journals. A broad grin crossed his face, on earth in the twentieth century they were used by law enforcement to measure the alcohol content on the breath of a person driving a vehicle.

Slowly the most logical reason Spock had given them the items now became clear to McCoy. Spock would accept whatever punishment those on Bannet Base deemed necessary, even his death. He had made them give their word they would not interfere in any action he took or action taken toward him. As usual he was in control. But was it Vulcan control, Human control, or that unique control that was all his own? McCoy knew he would have to keep an eye on him.

When he looked at Uhura he could see she had also figured out what it meant and saw the determination on her face. As they looked at each other they realized that while neither of them would cause a scene or go against their agreement not to interfere neither would they willingly let him go.

"We will be arriving at Bannet Base in nine point six four hours. I suggest you two get some sleep as there is no knowing when you will next have the opportunity."

"Spock,"

"I will be fine, Doctor McCoy. I need not tell you that,"

"Yeah, I know about Vulcans." McCoy looked at Uhura who half-smiled and shook her head, "No side effects from that immunization shot?"

"Slight nausea as usual but it is manageable, thank you,"

McCoy smiled to himself, thinking Vulcans cannot lie but they can hide the truth for both he and Spock knew the immunizations shot would not protect him from Gainine and that Spock had only accepted the injection to allay Uhura's fears. "You just make sure you wake us before we get there."

"I will ensure you both are awake seventeen minutes before we arrive."

A light hand on her shoulder woke Uhura and she watched as Spock also woke McCoy with a light grip of his shoulder, "We are seventeen minutes from arrival. There is coffee and pastries in the box between you."

"Batten Base, Batten Base this Phoenix Star One from Federation Starbase Eight. We are carrying emergency supplies, medical supplies, and electronic equipment to repair your communications system. Personnel aboard are three: one highly skilled and experienced doctor, one communications expert, and a science officer. We are unarmed and request permission to land. I repeat. Batten Base, Batten Base this Phoenix Star One from Federation Starbase Eight. We are carrying emergency supplies, medical supplies, and electronic equipment to repair your communications system. Personnel aboard are three: one highly skilled and experienced doctor, one communications expert, and a science officer. We are unarmed and request permission to land."

"Welcome, Phoenix Star. Permission to land. Do not disembark your craft until security cleared."

"Understood. Thank you."

A mixed rabble of people surrounded the craft and Spock just looked at the two of them and said, "I will go first. **Do not** come out until I tell you to."

McCoy and Uhura watched as the obvious leader came forward with a mob behind him and Spock opened the door, stepping forward, "I am Spock. I represent Captain James T. Kirk and the starship Enterprise."

"He's one of them who attacked us," three burly men charged Spock, grabbed him and flung him to the ground and started kicking him.


	4. Chapter 4

"Stop!" The man who was clearly the leader walked over and looked down at where one of the men had his foot on Spock's throat as he lay on the ground. He then walked to the door of the craft and looked in, saw the two of them and all the boxes then walked back over to look down at Spock. "Say it is illogical and reckless."

"It is illogical and reckless."

"Release him. He is the one who tried to stop the madness." The leader held out his hand and McCoy watched as Spock allowed the man to help him up. The three men genuinely apologised and Spock simply said it was an understandable action and no harm had been done.

Slowly Spock walked to the door to the craft and with a nod of his head motioned for them to come out, "I have the privilege of introducing both Lieutenant Uhura, a great singer and the best communications officer in the Federation and Doctor McCoy, not only the finest and best doctor in the Federation but also the most insightful as to a patient's emotional as well as physical needs. Unfortunately the Captain of the Enterprise, Captain James T. Kirk, had to stay at StarBase Eight to clarify what took place and is to arrange for the additional supplies we advise him are in immediate need once we have assessed the true extent of your needs. How can we serve you best?"

The leader took them around and showed them the extensive damage that the torpedoes had done then Uhura got to work on the communications system, McCoy started treating the cases of Gainine as well as inoculating others and distributing the vaccine, and Spock looked at the antiquated computer system and started updating it with some of the equipment they had brought.

It was not long before Spock became aware some of the younger adults were watching him and finally a young woman moved up to him, "I'm Janet Wallen. It is not that you are a Vulcan but we have never seen such work. We have just been making do with what we have. Can you show us what we should do?"

Only for a moment did Spock hesitate. Part of him wanted to tell these young people to leave but he was fascinated to see their obviously real and keen interest in learning. It seemed an odd thing to do, to spend slightly more valuable time teaching beings so young such complex things yet it also seemed logical. On the tour they had been told how the Gainine had decimated the population. He moved and let two at a time sit facing the maze of cables and small plugs. System by system he thoroughly went over each one with the two clearly principle boys but included the other six boys and the two girls who were more interested in the reasoning behind the various parts and connections. Perhaps he would have to notify Starbase that they may be two days later returning but he was, as he watched the young people working, certain that Bannet Base would have well-trained technicians. He watched as one of the girls quickly and expertly repaired a main relay board using the pieces he had put aside as discards.

"If there is still use for this part in a different non-essential place why not use a new piece in the main frame and this in the back-up unit till the supplies arrive and it can be replaced?" she had looked at him, "The main frame is of more importance."

"Good, you see how every piece, no matter how small, plays an important part. You pay attention to the individual part with the whole set aside for a moment. The sign of a good technical and logical mind." Spock had seen the girl give him a private smile that said more than thank you. He nodded and went on with the next stage.

Uhura was finding the same, the younger people keen to learn and she had no hesitation in getting them to help and showing them how things went together and why. She found that occasionally one or two would cry as their parents had died during the epidemic and had never seen their child learn to be a contributing member of the base. She would hug them and said that their parents would be so proud of what they were doing for the others on the Base and how intelligent they were. As they worked she not only showed them how the equipment worked but also instructed them on basic terms in some of the off-base languages that they might find handy. Several showed true linguistic skills and others were very technically inclined.

Only McCoy found it less crowded, not many were alive at the hospital and those that were had gone without sleep for too long. He immediately gave all staff booster shots, set up a roster, sent them all to have a thirty minute sleep, and made a list of the things they would need from Starbase Eight. He realized the medicines and equipment they had brought would really benefit the Base and that they would have enough vaccine to inoculate the whole base. While they could have dealt with the havoc caused by a photon torpedo the gainine had taken its toll. From the reaction of the staff to the new equipment he knew he was going to be busy for a few days showing them how to use some of it, bringing them up-to-date on the latest methods, and giving some basic training to others. The hospital could also do with a damned good clean, the linen all needed replacing, and there was a dire need for a change around in layout. He noticed what would pass in an emergency as an isolation room needed more advanced equipment. What they had brought would help them cope with a minor emergency but if another Commodore played god and sent another photon torpedo down they would be stretched.

The three were shown the quarters prepared for them in a wing of the hospital then sat discussing what needed to be done and what would be needed. They also worked out a revised time chart, both McCoy and Uhura not too sure how Spock would react to their suggestions of an additional two days there. Spock had looked at their figures and at them and nodded, "I had arrived at needing an additional thirty-five point six one hours but your forty-eight grants us time for any random factors. I think it wise we get some sleep as tomorrow will be busier than today as we know now what we confront. I will see you both in the morning."

As he walked away Uhura noticed how he had seemed stiff when he first stood and realized that McCoy had noticed it as well, "I think it was when those two tackled him and knocked him down, he got a few bruises. Plus the way he stayed at the controls all the way here. Know if I asked he would say it is nothing."

"And would you believe him?"

"No, but I have learned to pick my fights with him. Think he was right, we need our sleep. The gainine seems to have run its course. Really hit this base hard but they managed to keep craft away with their warning shots. Just a massive clean up with strong antiseptics should clear the place."

"What about the quarantine status?"

"I'm leaving that in place till we have done a sweep on the base. Plan on asking to have a low dose irradiation sweep done as soon as the Enterprise is ready."

From the way Uhura was looking at the table McCoy knew something was troubling her, "What?"

"Did Spock lie when he told them he was representing the Captain? I did not know the Captain knew about this."

McCoy sighed, "Knowing Spock he will take the blame for the whole thing and, in order to protect Jim, will let the people believe he is representing Jim. They only did not attack Spock more as the leader recognised his voice as the one trying to stop that torpedo. Can you imagine if it had been Jim? They would have torn him apart." McCoy looked at her and she looked up at him, "Blasted Vulcan would protect any of us any way he could and yet look how we treat him. Jim would have found a way to have stopped him had he known what he had planned."

The next morning Kirk was ready. He knew this would be a real hearing and not just a debriefing. He knew there would be a link up with Starfleet Command and some of the higher echelon of the Federation. When he saw Fallet waiting he stilled the urge to rush up to him and demand an answer to the question that had plagued him all night. His dreams had been of being a puppet with Fallet pulling the strings, of just being used by Fallet on his last flight.

"Captain Kirk, it seems that since your people arrived at Bannet Base they have made great progress in helping the people there restore their base as well as cope with the gainine situation. You are commended for selecting and sending those three as your representatives."

Kirk was aware of the sharp accusing look Fallet gave him and did not feel the sense of disappointing the man as he had before on the ship when they first met. As he kept looking at Fallet he noticed a slight change in the man's expression, a lessoning of the confidence.

"They already have the main communications system working, are installing two backup systems, and redoing the base wide system. The hospital is lined up for a major clean up and out and all the patients were seen to and either treated and released or admitted. And finally your Science Officer has been instructing ten of the more advanced young people in complex computer systems design and maintenance. You certainly picked the right three to send. We have granted them extended leave upon their return."

"Who asked for that?"

"Doctor McCoy said they would all need it, especially your First Officer. Your First Officer had requested to see me privately on their return before they left; we have some business to attend to."

Kirk tried to remain calm as he knew what that business was and did not want to think about it, "May I ask if you spoke directly to my officers?"

"No, we spoke with the three people who are the governing body for the base. They are more than pleased with the aid you arranged."

"Did they mention how my officers were?"

"Apart from passing on your Medical Officer's request and apologising for an attack on your First Officer when they first arrived they said they were all well. Two of the populous physically vented their frustrations on your First Officer but he told them to think nothing of it. That it was,"

"Just a minor misunderstanding that happens with some first meetings." Kirk half-smiled as he said what he had heard Spock say.

"Yes, how did you know?"

Kirk smiled to himself as he mentally pictured Spock saying it yet again, "Just something Mister Spock says."

"But we are here to discuss all the events that took place on the Enterprise since Admiral Fallet boarded, and especially since you, Captain, did not immediately take control of your ship again when it was in danger."

Kirk bit his bottom lip, how could he tell them it was because, for some reason, he wanted to know what it was like work under Admiral Fallet's orders, he wanted to see what the man was like in action? While so many had told him that he was the best starship captain StarFleet had ever had Kirk found he had been totally entranced by this man's record and somehow that had seemed to take control of him.

The second full day at Barret Base was like the first only McCoy had more people in helping thoroughly clean and reorganize the hospital. There were still many areas that concerned him but he was sure he could get Starbase Eight to help with what was needed there. A few structural things he felt needed looking into and some work done to increase protection from cross contamination.

Both Spock and Uhura virtually just stood watching the young people they were training work, occasionally giving pointers and explaining things. Uhura was amazed by how quickly most of the young had understood what they were doing and how they found excitement in contacting beyond the previously limited range. Spock found it fascinating how one young girl and one young man constantly asked questions and would expand on the answers, seeming to want to know more and more as they both wanted to share the responsibility of being in charge of the information control system.

The three Enterprise officers got together for the evening meal and agreed things were progressing better than they had hoped. "Hate to ruin your timetable, Spock, but I think we can be out of here in two days." McCoy looked over his meat meal at Spock's salad and saw how the Vulcan had hardly touched it, "They have a good hydroponics setup."

"Indeed."

Uhura looked up from her soup, "I don't know about you two but I can't wait to get back to my own bed. I have slept but not all that well. Just don't feel right."

"I know what you mean, there is just something about your own bed and your usual surroundings." McCoy looked at Spock, "You sleep at all?"

"I did not sleep, Doctor, as I had to look at the building specifications and calculate what will be needed for the reconstruction work to be done to rectify the damage that was caused. I have calculated a monetary value to be compensated to those who lost business and property due to the action but I have yet to finish the details of the structures themselves. I am finding aspects of it challenging as there is no easily accessible information on the sub-structure of the structures before the incident. I am basing the figures for costing and materials needed for that on what you would call a hunch, most unreliable but by employing it I did have time to meditate."

McCoy smiled, "Okay, as long as you are resting."

"I shall rest, Doctor, once we have more skilled personnel repairing the damage we caused. For them to be able to be able to quickly affect repairs they will need the information. Until then I have work to do as the officials have stated they do not want too much to change from how the buildings were before. If you two will excuse me. I trust you both will sleep well."

Eight point six one hours later everything changed for the three on Bannet Base. There was an explosion in the recycling system at the hospital and the accommodation block took the brunt with the roof blown off, side walls blown out, and pipes exposed if not burst all around. McCoy was stunned and partly deafened from the explosion and went through an adjoining door into Uhura's room to find her stunned and sitting on her bed. It was only when he looked around he realized they were stranded and the structure they were on was shaking and crumpling away slowly.

From the other side of what had been a wide concourse Spock stood, still in his uniform so McCoy knew he had been working. "Make no fast moves, Doctor." For him to be able to hear the Vulcan he knew that Spock had to be shouting, something he could not remember him doing too often. "Ensure Uhura does not move much but turn and have her securely tie your hands in front of you with the band from your robe."

"Spock,"

"Doctor, before we came you gave me your word to follow what I asked you to do."

"Blasted Vulcan, this is not a time,"

"Just do it, Doctor. Time is of the essence."

McCoy turned and Uhura tied his hands in front of him. As he had had his back to the Vulcan and Uhura had been concentrating on tying his hands they had not seen him slowly walk sideways across a wide cracked metal drain pipe to be standing behind McCoy.

"Move slowly three steps to your left and one step back, Doctor."

"Spock, how,"

"Now, Doctor. Uhura, I need you to stay on your bed but slowly get upright on your knees, do you understand?"

All she did was nod and the Vulcan saw she was starting to comprehend the situation they were in. "You are to close you eyes, Uhura, and just do as I tell you, understood?"

Again she nodded before closing her eyes. Spock noticed McCoy was where he wanted him.

"Doctor, I am going to stoop down and you are going to put your arms over my head so your hands are around my neck and you are going to wrap your legs around my waist then you will close your eyes. Understood?"

"Of all the times to,"

"**Understood,** Doctor?"

"Understood."

Once the Doctor had his arms around Spock's neck and his legs wrapped around his waist the Vulcan reached out and picked up Uhura, cradling her in his arms as though she were a child, then stood saying, "Uhura, I want you to reach up and put your arms around my neck so your hands are on Doctor McCoy's shoulders, keep your eyes closed, and relax. I will not drop either of you. Concentrate on slow and deep breathing. I want you both to just relax and trust me."

A thousand different retorts sprang to McCoy's mind but he felt the Vulcan start to move and knew it was no time to comment. Eyes closed he started to concentrate on slow deep breaths, slow deep breaths. Six times McCoy was aware that Spock seemed to loose his footing but always kept going.

Then there were other hands reaching out, grabbing him, his hands being untied, Uhura hugging him, and then he saw Spock sprawled on the littered floor, his eyes closed, breathing in heaves that seemed to shake his body, and some sort of sludge covering his feet. Uhura had gone to him and was wiping his face. McCoy looked at the pipe and saw how it had broken more and that what was in it was exposed and looked like what was covering Spook's feet.

McCoy looked at one of the women just standing clearly at a loss to know what to do, "What is in that pipe?"

Her voice was in the monotone of shock, "It drains all the toxic waste and bio impurities from the med labs."

Uhura had reached out to remove what remained of Spock's boots when McCoy gripped her hands, "Don't touch him! Put gloves on, Uhura!"

"But his feet are bloody and dirty, Doctor. We have to clean them."

Till then McCoy had not seen the blood from were he had been standing but having moved saw it starting to pool around his feet. For a moment he felt his entire body stop, go cold with the reality, then his training and years of work took over.

"Help me get him to the isolation unit. We'll clean him there. I'll need all the antiseptics and antibacterial you can find. Hurry!"

They got him to the isolation unit and McCoy shooed everybody away except Uhura who had fully recovered and was silently watching McCoy and helping when asked. Once he got Spock as settled as he could McCoy smiled when he looked over the sleeping Vulcan at Uhura, "It's a helluva time to think of it but I left the bottles he gave me in the secure locker on the craft."

"Yeah, my bag is in there too."

Slowly McCoy walked around the bed Spock was on and momentarily closed his eyes, took a deep breath, opened his eyes and reached out to take Uhura's right hand in his, gave it a squeeze, looked her in the eyes, and softly asked, "I know you got a message through to Starbase Eight and have been busy upgrading the system since then. Just how good are the communications now? Good enough for a private call to Jim?"

* * *

**A/N HAPPY 2014 TO ALL. **


	5. Chapter 5

It was how McCoy asked it that made Uhura look at him and shake her head. In his eyes she saw what he was not saying. Very gently McCoy reached out and touched her cheek as he squeezed her hand again, "Jim has to know. He won't get here in time but he needs to know. Gainine is fatal to Vulcans if it gets into their blood. You saw his feet and heard what was in the pipes. With his few human factors in his blood this fight is all up to Spock. His human half will have to work double time and under the stress that gainine puts on the Vulcan body. I just do not think his human side wants to fight it, you saw how he was after that incident on the bridge. Without that human side working this may be beyond him this time. Jim should know. Can you get me him on a secure private line?"

"You, you," briefly she closed her eyes and McCoy saw her literally pull herself together, then she looked at him and he saw the total Communications Officer, "you tell him, I'll let the others know. Then I'll be in with Spock. He should know we are here and they are coming."

He also saw the deep pain about her eyes and knew only too well how she was feeling,"I will be back as soon as I am finished with Jim. I am not sure if Spock is even in a Vulcan healing trance but he will know you are there, that he is not alone. It is the best thing you can do for him now."

"When Commodore Fallet came aboard we were doing a routine survey while awaiting the annual maintenance check on the Enterprise. It was my understanding we were to take him from where he came aboard to Starbase Eight and that he was to be given control of the ship at for the journey as a farewell gesture after all his years of service. As it seemed a routine survey I saw nothing wrong with handing the ship over to him. I was also interested in seeing how he operated after hearing so much about his achievements."

"And what did you find, Captain?"

Kirk looked at the Admiral and then at Fallet, "That our approaches differ and our style of command is totally opposite."

"In what manner?"

"I view my command as something earned by my respect for the individuals who make up the crew, listening to their points of view, acknowledging their work and them knowing that my decision is fair but final. It would appear the Commodore's view is one of being near dictatorial. I also tend to look for a peaceful approach to a situation while Commodore Fallet is more confrontational. I prefer to try to talk to the opposing side while Commodore seems to want nothing to do with them."

"And how did your crew respond to the difference in command? What was the reaction of the bridge crew? And if there was any disagreement did you support your crew or Commodore Fallet?"

The intercom on Admiral Billings desk buzzed, "Excuse me, Sir. We have a call from Bannet Base for Captain Kirk, a Doctor Leonard McCoy, said it was private and urgent."

The Admiral indicated a communicator and Kirk picked it up, sure it was Bones saving him from more of the long session that got nowhere that he hated, and walked away from the others.

"Bones, thanks for getting me away from that. Being asked questions I am not ready to answer right now. How is it going? Had a glowing report yesterday."

"Now that sounds more like the Jim Kirk I'm friends with. Uhura will be pleased to know you are back."

"Bones, I am not sure just what happened with Fallet aboard. For years I had studied his ways, had been impressed by his exploits. I just somehow got so caught up in what he had done, I wanted to see how he did it, I wanted to experience it, I never really thought about how he did it. I decided to try it and I cannot fully explain it just yet, but I must have become trapped in the whole role."

"I've wanted to give you a full medical for weeks and will when we get back. I have had some concerns I will discuss with you then. At least you sound more like you."

"I have had some thoughts about it too that I will discuss with you once I get some answers. I owe all of you a huge apology. My gods, Bones, how will I face Spock? He said anything?" It suddenly occurred to him that McCoy had mentioned Uhura but not Spock. He remembered what he had read about gainine and Vulcans.

"Jim," there was a strange almost apologetic tone to McCoy's voice that Kirk had seldom heard.

For a moment Kirk knew he had been holding his breath, he had felt a chill slowly sweep through his body, chased along with the image of when he had seen his Vulcan friend last and the last things he had said to him. .Almost in a whisper he asked, "Bones, what is it? This, this isn't just a friendly call is it?"

"There was an explosion at the hospital annex where our accommodation was."

"Spock?" Kirk put a hand out against the wall to steady himself as he again saw that deeply hurt that Spock gave him when he had told him to clearly remembered their last encounter, his last words. _You are nothing to me but an insubordinate subordinate officer, stay the hell out of my life._

"Uhura and I were trapped on part of the building that was slowly collapsing and Spock came and saved us but in saving us he got infected by gainine." Kirk heard McCoy take two deep breaths, "**Dammit,** he's dying, Jim. Gainine is fatal to Vulcans. There is nothing, nothing I can do. He is slowly bleeding out in front of me, in front of us, and I can't do a damned thing to stop it."

"What do you need? I can have it there in," Kirk's mind started planning how to get out of the meetings and to Spock.

"**Jim**." McCoy's voice cut into his planning, "Jim, listen to me. You have to listen and understand me, Jim. You listen to me. He is going to die. Spock is going to die. Jim, Spock would be dead before you could get here. We both know he would not want you to rush out of a debriefing when there is nothing you can do about the outcome. We both know he would be right in calling it illogical. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, you or I or anybody else can do about it. Now maybe his human half could have mounted a fight but that part of him was so badly battered and shattered over the last few weeks I am not sure it can or even wants to fight any more. At warp six it takes five days to get here and he'll bleed out in three, three and a half at the most, at his present rate. We thought you should know. Both of us will be with him, Uhura is with him now."

"Bones, I'm on my way. You just keep him,"

"Jim, I can't. I am so sorry, Jim, but that's beyond me this time. He got infected while saving us. Cut his feet on a broken drainage pipe from the labs getting us out. It got right into his blood and the exertion of the rescue saw massive amounts of toxins carried in his blood far faster throughout his whole body than would usually have occurred. His body is under-going a chain-reaction cellular breakdown that is typical of gainine in Vulcans." For a moment McCoy was quiet then with a bit of annoyance in his voice his said, "That **damned Vulcan** reminded me that I had given my word not to argue with his decisions. He was safe. He would've known what was in that pipe. He would've known he had to get both of us at once, in one attempt, as there would not be time for a second try. He would've known gainine is fatal to Vulcans if it gets in their blood. Dammit, the last thing he said to me, to us, was to relax and trust him." There was silence.

"Bones?" Kirk realized McCoy was starting to ramble, a sure sign of the helplessness he was feeling.

"Jim, **I can't.** I, I can't help him, I can't keep him with us. I'm not sure if he's fighting. I think the events of the last few weeks took the will to fight from him. I can keep him as comfortable as possible but that is all. I'll tell him you're coming but I doubt if he's aware of the situation or anything for that matter. Gainine takes different twists and turns as it slowly kills the patient but I have found no record of any Vulcan surviving even a mild gainine infection. He got us across a chasm and collapsed. I can't do anything to help him." For a moment there was silence then Kirk heard regret and loathing in his friend's voice, "I never told him but the blasted Vulcan should have known I've **always trusted him**."

This time the silence was longer then Kirk heard McCoy let out a long breath, "Fallet better **never, never** get near me, Jim. At the moment I would kill him in ways no sentient life form should be killed for causing all this, later I may simply only cause him permanent physical limitations and extreme discomfort. In time I will most likely forgive you for what you put Spock through while Fallet was there and what you said and did to him but I will **never** forgive Fallet. I have to get back to Spock and you have the debriefing. I just thought you should know what has happened and that he will not be alone. You best get back to your meeting. "

"Just tell Spock I'm coming, can you do that for me? Tell him, tell him I, tell him I, I,"

"I know, Jim, I know and I will tell him. I'm so sorry. Just know I'll do my best to ensure he won't be in pain and know that **he will not be alone**, Uhura and I will be with him all the time, all the way. McCoy out."

For a long time he just stood looking at the communicator in his hand. Then closed his eyes to stop the tears that threatened to come. McCoy had not said it but Kirk had heard it. If Spock died he was largely responsible. He had all but destroyed the human part of his friend. Gradually he felt the methods Spock had taught him over the years calming him, clearing his head. Spock. The last look Spock had seen in his eyes had been contempt and anger. The last thing Spock had heard from him was to stay the hell out of his life and it had been said with so much unbridled fury and venom. And that rage he had felt. That rage he had felt on the bridge and unleashed on Spock was because of Fallet. If anybody had asked him how he was not so certain he would not have known what to say but he knew Fallet was the cause of how he had acted.

"_Puppet, puppet, puppet_." The word echoed. Fallet had said he liked his Firsts to be like puppets and that was what he had been. A puppet and Fallet had somehow ensured it. Fallet had used him like a puppet of that Kirk was sure but he needed proof. No, he wanted proof. Everything in him was certain that somehow Fallet had controlled him but he needed proof as to how. They had seen it on various planets, the populous largely puppets to some megalomaniac who used may ways to condition them to believe in his or her rules. Fallet would have also have seen it but not seen the evil in it, only the control and power.

A question stirred at the back of his mind, what would he do if the tests proved Fallet had been drugging him? If it was proved he had been drugged by Fallet would his crew really understand, would they truly accept an apology after all he had said and done to them? If Fallet had drugged him and Spock died… **No.** He could not, would not accept that. He had to get back in there, get it over with and somehow get to Spock. **Quarantine be damned**! He **would** get to Spock.


	6. Chapter 6

"While you were having your conversation, Kirk, two communiqués for you came with my name as one also to be notified. One was from our top medical team and the other from the science team." For a moment, as he looked at Admiral Billings, there was a meeting of minds and Kirk saw on the Admiral's face that his assumption had been right and that, for now, he had to remain in control. This was not the time to react.

Fallet looked at Kirk then at the Admiral as Kirk put the communicator back on the desk, "Like I was saying, Kirk is far too close to his crew. He and that half-Vulcan Science Officer almost think alike. And it was that thing's intervention in my trying to do the job that meant I could not function properly. He would challenge my authority when I would discipline a crewmember. It even dared to tell me sending that proton torpedo was asinine. We were not attacked after I took that action so I was right and Kirk agreed with me."

Kirk had taken a step towards him when the door to the meeting room flung open and an out-of-uniform Chekov raced up to him, "Sulu has a craft ready that vill have us there in seventy-six hours." He turned and looked at Fallet, "If he dies, you die." and rushed out without looking to see if Kirk was behind him.

"Excuse us, Sir." Kirk grabbed Fallet's arm in a vice-like grip and pulled him up and out of his chair, "I think the Commodore needs to see what he did up close. He needs to see the damage. We will take him with us to Bannet Base."

"But it's quarantined and we're confined." Fallet looked and sounded frightened for the first time.

"We are going and you are coming."

"Admiral, you cannot allow," Fallet tried to pull away from Kirk's grip but Kirk let his fury at the man give him added strength.

"I think it is an excellent idea." The Admiral looked at Kirk. "It has been my experience that many Commodores tend to lose touch with what happens after a weapon is fired. You will go with Kirk."

"When we get back I will file so many changes against you, Kirk, you will,"

"Fine. Move."

"Oh, Captain Kirk," the Admiral looked from Kirk for a moment as Kirk reached the door, still holding firmly to Fallet's arm, "while you are gone we will make a thorough search of the Commodore's quarters with our top science team and his belongings. You will be sent a report of what we find and the other findings should be of some comfort."

There was absolutely no way of hiding the near hatred that both Sulu and Scott felt toward Fallet when Kirk arrived at the craft half-dragging him and Kirk could understand it. As he all but thrust Fallet into a seat he said, "For your own safety do not move or talk, Sir."

"Estimated arrival time on Bannet Base sixty-nine point five hours, Captain."

"Chekov said seventy-six."

"That was before I saw I could tune the engines up just a mite. We should get warp seven from her. Got rid of things we'd not be needing to lighten the ship." Kirk saw Scott look at Fallet and braced himself to get between them but Scott looked back at him, "Uhura said we should try to be there in less than three days."

After they had been level flying for a time Sulu said, "All Uhura said was there was an accident, we should try to get there in less than three days, and that it was Spock. It is bad, isn't Sir? It was in her voice."

"There was an explosion that separated them. In saving Uhura and McCoy Spock got infected with gainine which is fatal to Vulcans. He's," for a moment Kirk stopped as he realized he had to say it and that saying it would make it real, "he's internally bleeding to death." Kirk took the small glass that Chekov handed him and drank it. Icy cold water. He needed that. He took the second glass and drank it. He needed to think. He took the third glass as he tried to think.

McCoy looked at the clock and then back at Spock, seeing the paleness of his skin and knowing even if they'd had his blood type and kept giving him blood transfusions there was nothing that would stop the internal break down at a cellular level going on within the Science Officer. There was no way to stop the bleeding. Gently he placed his hand against Spock's cheek, "Jim's coming, Spock. He and the others. You have to hold on till then. Jim will kill me if anything happens to you before he gets here." McCoy watched as Uhura used a damp cloth to wipe the rest of the Vulcan's face, neck, and shoulders, seeing the slightly greener than usual marks on his neck where the cord had been, "You had to go and keep me to my word, didn't you? I'll know next time not to trust you like that. Damned fool thing to have me do, could have choked you to death. You just rest. Uhura and I are right here."

One of the girls that Spock had mentioned, a Janet Wallen, showed promise walked up to him with an elderly woman carrying a container of what closely resembled a red sludge, "I know this will sound odd but my grandmother is a natural feeler and healer and when I told her what had happened to a Vulcan she made this paste and said we had to come now and put this on his feet and legs then, when the time is right and his family is all here, there is a ceremony for drawing the poison out and him back. My parents and the parents of three of my friends are alive because of it; many others scoffed at her old ways and they all died. I thought I would come and see if we could try. Mister Spock has shown me so much and did not care that I am a woman in what here is a man's field. Some here believe that there are some things that are just for men. He told us there were endless possibilities. It cannot harm him."

McCoy looked at Uhura then at the old woman and nodded. Slowly the old woman walked to the bed looked at Spock for a moment then placed her hand under the sheet where a Vulcan's heart is and closed her eyes for a moment then lifted the sheet off Spock's feet and opened the lid on the red sludge. The smell was immediately nauseating and McCoy wondered why he had agreed. It was warm and the elderly woman carefully used a small ladle to pour it over each foot, alternating between the feet, applying several layers and applying it to just below the knee of each leg before wrapping a cloth McCoy recognized as an insulating compression wrap to encase his feet and up to his knees and slightly raised the head of the bed. She placed her hand briefly on Spock's face with her little finger just touching his temple and her thumb on his throat then again closed her eyes for a moment.

After she took her hand away from Spock's face the elderly woman just sat with her eyes closed for a moment then took one of Uhura's hand and one of McCoy's and placed one of Spock's hands between them and held the three hands in her two and sat silent for a moment then released their hands. "We wait. When all his family comes we finish. This helps draw out evil poison, family puts in love. When he feels all the love he will fight better. For now he fights as he knows the one who means the most to him is coming. He knows you will help him stay till the other gets here."

Two grey-green eyes looked at Uhura then at McCoy, "He cares very greatly for you two, he does not show it as it is not the way of his people, but there is one coming who means more to him but has hurt him greatly. You must not allow the one that means the most to him near him if that one does not think of him that way. Do not let the other near him immediately as there were bad words from him to this one last time that have wounded him to his greatest depths. This one heard the words and said nothing. He accepts them as truth from how they were said."

McCoy swallowed, looked at Uhura and saw she was also remembering how Jim had sworn at Spock and called him an insubordinate subordinate officer who was grossly over-stepping the line as it was his bridge, he was in command. It still stunned the doctor to remember how Kirk had dismissed Spock from the bridge by telling him the get hell off his bridge and say the hell out if his life. As far as McCoy knew that was the last time they had spoken. The last words Spock had heard from Jim was to stay the hell out of his life. Jim had been and continued to spend all his time with Fallet talking over past encounters and future plans. He turned and looked at the elderly woman who was still looking at him, "What if the other had said words he did not mean?"

"If the other spoke them and they were said to hurt or they need not be said then they were meant. Had the other immediately apologised, as one who cares does, then this one would fight to live as he would know they were a reaction. This one is fighting only to hear that voice again, to feel the nearness of that one again but nothing beyond that. As angry words were the last he heard from the other they must not be together unless he first calls out the other's name of his own free will, unless he speaks to the other first and of his own free will, unless he reaches out his hand for the hand of other first of his own free will. The other must remain silent until this one decides and approaches him in that manner."

"That will be difficult." Uhura looked at the elderly woman who looked at her, "The other will want to speak to him, will have things he will feel he must say."

"You say they are kinsmen? I forget the Vulcan word for close kinsmen."

"They are t'hy'la, very close friends. The other was not feeling well when they last spoke and said things he did not mean but said them."

"If they are still that then this other one must fight more to bring him back. The other must be willing to show to him there is nothing to hide from. The other must be willing to show him there is nothing to fear from him. There must be a proving." The woman looked at how Uhura was holding Spock's hand, "He thinks of you as a sister and you," she looked at McCoy, "as a brother but the other one is more. It is good you are here with him, helping hold him here till the other arrives."

Over the next few hours McCoy realized Spock had not declined as rapidly as before. There was a decline but not as drastic as he had thought. He looked and saw how Uhura was still holding his hand and the elderly woman held Uhura's other hand and was sitting with her eyes shut. He had heard the old stories about natural healers and never really met one or overly believed in them but he realized there had to be something at work as the change was there and the only difference was the elderly woman and her sludge.

Looking at Spock and seeing how he showed the tell-tale signs of advancing Gainine, the profuse sweating and his head tipped back with his mouth wide open as his lungs started to need more oxygen as the lobes slowly filled with blood McCoy wondered how he would tell Jim if Spock died before he arrived. He also wondered just how he would keep Kirk from him should Spock somehow still be alive. A part of his mind hoped that Spock would just slip away to where there was no pain. The Vulcan had had more than enough of that from Kirk for the last few weeks without the physical pain he was now experiencing.

All on the bridge had seen how what Jim had said to him and how he had said it had hurt Spock. They had all seen how deeply Kirk's action and words had hurt him. McCoy shook his head, Spock had deliberately, for the fifth time, stopped Fallet in the middle of a berating tirade against a crew member. It had been against him when he had gone to the bridge as he usually did, and Fallet had started to criticize him when Spock told Fallet he was incorrect and out of line. Totally inflamed Fallet had, in his own manner, berated Spock, then Kirk had also callously lashed at Spock and finished by restricting him to his quarters for the remaining days of the mission and banned him from any contact with the crew. Closing his eyes he could see Kirk glaring at Spock telling him "to get the hell off my bridge and stay the hell out of my life," As if that had not stunned them enough Kirk had later slowly looked at each one of them individually and said Spock could be replaced as easily and quickly as any of them could If only Spock knew Jim would be hating himself for what he had done.

The green-blooded computer could not fully understand human emotions and Jim's reaction to Fallet would be beyond his understanding, especially when a trained human physician did not fully understand it. Oh, he had his suspicions as to what was happening and had tried to get Kirk down to Sickbay for a check-up but Kirk and Fallet had known the questions to ask and rules and regulations to quote that ruled that out. Although he was sure the Vulcan was beyond hearing or feeling McCoy gently touched the side of his friend's face and whispered, "Spock, you just try to hold on so at least Jim can say goodbye. He and the others are on their way so you just hold on. He, he loves you so much. You have to know that what he did, how he acted, was not really him. You have to know he did not mean what he said. You have to know that it was something more than him trying to see what it was like to be somebody else, that something else was affecting him. He and I both think his mind has been compromised in some way. I need your help with him, Spock. He needs you for so many reasons. Dammit Spock, that cussed Vulcan side of you should want to show the human side which is stronger."

A tenuous thread was holding him to the world. He recognized the sensation of light pressure on his hand as that of Lieutenant Uhura holding it and that hand that often touched his face was Doctor McCoy. There was a strange sensation in his body as though it were invaded. His body had been invaded before but not like this. Gainine. He remembered. The explosion. The structure McCoy and Uhura were on crumbling. A pipe a meter to the right of the slab they were on and seven hundred centimetres below it the only way. Had to be done in one mission. His feet going through the rusted metal. There had been pain. Then wherever here was with McCoy and Uhura but not Jim. No. Jim did not care. He had Fallet. Fallet was human and an equal. Jim's words came back. "_You are nothing to me but an insubordinate subordinate officer." _Jim would not care and had ordered him to "_stay the hell" out of his life." _He was aware of a slowing of the invasion, of strange fingers touching him. A healer. Human but with unusual emanations in the, in her touch. Not reading his mind but, but his emotions. She would know of his relationships with the others. It did not matter. Nothing matters as Jim. Jim. McCoy mentioned Jim. Jim and the others. All coming. Jim's mind compromised. The eyes. When Jim had told him to stay of if his life his eyes were wrong. Not his anger. Something else. It was getting harder to breathe. But Jim's eyes were wrong. So this is the sensation of cellular collapse: fascinating how it is slowly progressive. Jim's eyes. McCoy and Uhura would be there and he could rest a few minutes. He had to ask about Jim's eyes.

Kirk woke lying across three seats with his head on a pillow on Scott's thighs, his pelvis resting on a cushion on an empty seat and his feet on Chekhov's thighs. A blanket covered him. As he sat up he looked accusingly at Chekhov, "I would not have taken the drink from Scotty as I thought he would try it but you I used to trust.

"Mister Scott said so. Four more hours, Sir."

"Sulu?"

"We're on target, Sir. Can't get any more out of it."

Across the walkway Kirk saw Fallet slumped in his seat, "Our guest?"

"Oh, Sir, I must have made his a wee bit stronger. With luck he will sleep till we are there."

"How far from where we land to the hospital?"

"We'll be landing five metres from the entrance. Uhura got that sorted."

"Any, any word on,"

"He is still with us, Sir. Doctor McCoy and Uhura are with him at all times and he is still holding on."

"When we arrive there's Fallet,"

"Uhura's been a busy lassie in that she has arranged for some locals to watch him and to show him what his action has caused. She says they are very direct in their approach."

For a moment he sat in silence, felt a strong hand grip his left shoulder and another hand grip his right upper arm, "We are to land and go to Spock. They will take care of Fallet. Uhura said she had made it clear that they are not to kill him."

"I, I owe each of you a huge apology. These last few weeks I was,"

"Intoxicated by Fallet's reputation and his persona." Scotty looked at him, "Aye, we all know and understand. Now and then your thinking has been different when an attractive lass has been around but not like this, never had I seen ye like that. It was a trifle worrisome but Mister Spock said it would pass. He was right. Tis good to have ye back, Sir."

"I feel the same, Sir."

"I agree, Sir. I just hope we get there and Mister Spock can see you, and see that he was right."

"Right? Right about what?"

For a moment the three were silent then Scotty looked at him, "Ye almost had a full scale mutiny to deal with, Sir. The way ye let Fallet talk at us and treat us. Spock said ye were just too, too,"

"It is obvious that the Captain is, on a subconscious level, totally captivated by and is temporarily being influenced by Commodore Fallet's history, stories, and charismatic if not self-serving persona. I am certain this is but a temporary mental apparition and that, should an emergency arise, the Captain will resume command and be himself again. It is a certainty that he will return to himself once Commodore Fallet has left the Enterprise. We must be patient and understanding as we wait for that to eventuate." Sulu looked at Kirk very steadily, "I had to keep saying it over and over to myself each time you did not back us on the bridge and when you let Spock take Fallet's anger when Spock told him we knew what we were doing, Sir. It was difficult to sit in silence when he would be sent from the bridge but he had told us not to interfere."

Kirk thought back and could not remember Spock saying anything apart from, "Yes, Sir." each time he had been dismissed from the bridge. "He only just acknowledged, and"

"Ahhh, Captain, ye, of all people, know he can speak volumes with just a slight change in his posture, slight move of his hands, or a look. That is what we got. That look he gives that means he knows what he is doing and to leave things to him. I've, we've all seen him give it to ye and ye have always stopped, if only for a moment, and often changed direction."

"Did any of you see him after, after I,"

* * *

**A/N Going to be a long busy weekend so no writing for a few days. Stormy and wet but have lots of yard tidy-up to do and berries and fruit to pick so will get back when I can. Take care and have fun.**


	7. Chapter 7

"He came to me as soon as we landed, said he was going back to Bannet Base on your behalf," Chekhov looked away then back at Kirk, "Sir, it is the only time I can remember him telling a lie. I knew he would be going **as you not for you**. I knew he knew I knew but he just nodded. He thanked me for all my assistance and friendship and gave me a gift. He gave me the Vulcan salute and then turned and left."

"Same here, Sir," Sulu looked at Kirk, "I think he knew none of us would be at all welcome there after what happened. He also knew I did not believe he was going there on your orders but that it was a wrong had to be put right. He also thanked me for my assistance and friendship, was given a gift, he saluted and walked away as though he was not coming back."

"Aye, he knew they would likely kill anybody from the Federation, especially the Enterprise, for what happened. He came and saw me. Gave me this," he handed Kirk a bag, "ta give ta ye and I was ta say he thanked ye for your friendship, for all ye meant ta him, and for all the memories. I was ta say live long and prosper and he smiled, he actually smiled, when he told me I need not do the salute. He'd nae listen ta me, said he had ta let them know it was nae **your** action but a higher ranking officer and that **he** had ta put it right somehow. He said that despite the logic of him going alone McCoy and Uhura were going with him and he would nae allow any other member ta go. He said he would ensure that they were safe nae matter what. He then thanked me for my assistance and friendship, gave me a gift, saluted me, and walked away in that determined way of his without a backward look. He had made a decision an there was nae a thing any could have said nor done ta stop him."

There was a silence as first Kirk just fingered the bag then, aware the others were watching, he reached in and pulled out an antique old Earth sextant. He reached in and pulled out the other item he had felt. Wrapped carefully in a thick protective cover he opened an authenticated signed copy of C.S. Forester's Hornblower's Early Years. He shook his head realizing just how well his friend knew him.

"Mine was an old Earth encyclopaedia of Russian Proverbs and Sayings on discs and a real book of famous failed Russian "pick up" lines."

"He gave me an antique Japanese sword and knife set we had seen years ago at a display of old Earth weaponry that only select personnel were invited to. He was invited and took me with him. I can remember seeing how much it would cost to replace and Spock had surprised me by getting me the opportunity to actually handle it and I had thought no more about ever owning such a piece. The other item was a selection of chopsticks."

"He gave me a genuine antique engineer's tool box from Glasgow in Scotland. There was an assortment of tools in it that showed true craftsmanship. There was also a bottle of real aged Scottish Whiskey in it". Scott looked at him and said what they were all thinking. "Sir, I think he did this as he does nae think he will be back. I am nae one ta judge but after what ye said ta him on the bridge he was nae the same and I think he knew they would want blood for blood and going in your place he was likely ta be killed."

Kirk closed his eyes and shook his head, "The last thing I said to him was to get off the bridge and to stay the hell out of my life. He left thinking I hated him. He left such a very formal message telling me he had gone to Bannet Base. He, he didn't use my name, just my rank. How long now?"

"About three hours, Sir. Can't be more exact than that."

The finality of what could be hit him and he looked at the Chief Engineer and saw understanding on his face, "Oh Scotty, those last things I said to him. They must have hurt him. How could I, to him, I, I" Kirk tried to calm himself but could feel his eyes watering and felt a part of him start to shake.

Two strong hands gripped his upper arms and briefly held him, stilled him, "Here, we'll nae have that. We have ta be strong for him. We have ta be strong and send our love and strength to him. He is half-Vulcan so I know he will feel our strength and love. I have been around Uhura too much as that is what she believes, that he knows us that well and knows what we feel about him. McCoy would have told him we're coming. Till we know we will be strong for him. Till we know we have work that needs doing. He would expect nothing less from us. He'll nae want ta see four grown men with red eyes now will he?"

Scott's words got to him. He **was** getting ahead of himself. Spock would hate that. He had to think what he was going to do when they arrived at Bannet Base. He would have to explain what happened to those in power. He would need his crew to check things out themselves and see what needed doing, "We have to find out what needs doing when we arrive."

"Uhura has that under control as well, Sir. She will have the people organized to help each of us with engineering, transport, security, building, you name it she has it taken care off. Said it made her feel she was doing something."

Kirk looked at the three officers and realized despite how he had treated them they still cared about him, still respected him, were still **his **crew. When he nodded Scott released him and he took the prepacked meal Chekhov handed him. "No telling what their food supply is like."

Janet Wallen came in with a tray that had a cup of coffee for both of them and a selection of sandwiches. "You have to eat." She walked over to the bed and looked down at Spock, "You two, the one called Chekov, the one called Sulu, the one called Scott, and the one called Captain are his family. He has told us that. We asked him about his family and he said you six were his family. He said he has parents but that you were his family. You are so lucky to have such a member who cares so much about you. From how he spoke it is the one called Captain he is closest to, it was like they were real brothers. Is it the one called Captain that had angry words with him last?"

"Yes," McCoy took a sip of coffee after finishing a sandwich then wiped Spock's face, neck and shoulders, "Very angry words."

"Did he mean them?

"At the time he thought he did but he was not himself."

"But he said them to Spock and he heard them?"

"Yes, he said them and Spock heard him."

For a few moment Janet just looked at them then asked, "Do you think Spock will call out his name?"

McCoy was aware that Uhura was looking at him and in her eyes he saw the same uncertainty he felt. Each time Fallet berated the crew and Jim did nothing they had seen Spock stand up for the crewmen and retreat further and further into the Vulcan. No, it had been more than that but just what McCoy could not say. They saw how when Jim had lashed out at him the last time something inside Spock seemed to snap, he seemed to give up on his human side. This trip to Bannet Base was both an obligation he felt and, McCoy shook his head as he accepted the reality, a possible suicide mission. Spock would have known about Gainine, would have known it could kill him. Uhura was still looking at him, clearly remembering the last time the Captain and Spock were together and how totally shattered Spock had been. She knew Vulcans did not believe in suicide but there had been murderous intent on the faces of those who had met the craft and Uhura wondered if Spock had, in some way, thought this might be a final mission for him: a way to be free from that pain.

Uhura nodded, "I want to think he will. I believe there is still a part of him that cares so deeply about the Captain that he will call out his name."

McCoy cleared his throat, "I really don't know. I hope he does but I will understand if he doesn't. While I do not believe the words were meant, they were words that Jim Kirk would never say to Spock unless something was really wrong with him. Spock's not fully understanding human ways does not make things easy. I just hope he realizes that Jim, the Captain has not been himself lately."

A broad smile flashed to the girl's face, "He often told us how we humans make life far more complicated than it need be. He showed us how what seems so complex is really so easy. He showed us how to look at the individual thing instead of the whole picture but to remember how each part makes a whole and compared it with his ship and our home. We are all individuals and can be alone but we work best and get more done together. Does he work alone a lot? He seems to prefer it."

"Yes," Uhura smiled back at the young girl, aware of how their quiet Vulcan had had an impact on so many people, "He has a mind that is constantly observing and analyzing things and often prefers to be on his own but he is such a great and truly wonderful friend."

"How does he feel about the one called the Captain?"

"They are closer than friends, almost closer than brothers, which is why he has been so hurt by what the Captain said to him and how the Captain had acted towards him lately. The Captain will, when he recovers from whatever has him acting as he has, hate himself for what he said as they are almost like one. We often find it hard to think of one without thinking of the other." For a moment Uhura stopped as it was the first time she had actually thought of one without the other, of how Kirk would be without Spock. "It wouldn't be right."

"The one called the Captain must really care about, love, Spock for if Spock calls out his name it will be up to him to bring Spock back."

"How?" McCoy asked, hoping there was something he could do.

"It is something my grandmother does and makes. I cannot tell you more than that as I have not learned that part yet. It was decided years ago I would learn modern things yet also be a healer as I showed an aptitude for it since childhood and my grandmother says I have the gift. It takes fifteen years to learn all one must learn to be a healer like my grandmother and not many now want to be one. I do know that whatever it is he must do it is important, that the one called the Captain must do without hesitation what he is asked to if he truly loves Spock."

Uhura looked at McCoy and slowly nodded, "I know that Spock would do anything without hesitation for the Captain and I believe the Captain would do the same for Spock. They have many times in the past.

"Bannet Base, Bannet Base this is Sunrise Nine from Federation Starbase Eight Bannet Base, Bannet Base this is Sunrise Nine from Federation Starbase Eight. We are on a mercy mission. We have supplies requested by crew already here. Our crew is four from the Enterprise and one Federation Commodore. Requesting permission to,"

"Sunrise Nine, Sunrise Nine, you have permission to land in designated area. Sunrise Nine, Sunrise Nine, you have permission to land in designated area."

"This is Sunrise Nine, thank you, Bannet Base."

"The security detail requested will meet you and detain the Commodore"

Kirk gave the Commodore a quick glance as he was just waking then nodded at Sulu, "Acknowledged, Bannet Base. Thank you."

Fallet sat upright and looked around, "Where?"

"Welcome to Bannet Base, Sir. I will arrange for their Security to show you what the torpedo did while I take care of my crew. You will be turned over to us when we return to Starbase Eight. I am unable to tell you how long that will be."

"You are not leaving me alone with them, are you Kirk?"

"Yes."

"But, but you can't."

As Sulu eased the craft to a smooth landing and the Security team approached the door, Kirk looked at Fallet and saw the fear in his eyes and tried not to smile as he said, "Watch me." The four Enterprise walked away from the shuttle and Kirk looked at obvious leader of the Bannet group, "You were told,"

The man nodded, "We are to show him what damage was caused, have him assist in the work that needs doing, but not to injure him and definitely not to kill him. You will take him back to face your justice."

"Good." Kirk smiled to himself, pleased that Uhura had reminded them they could not actually kill the man. "He is fit and can help out with any jobs you might be short-handed with. I don't know how long we will be here but we will find you before we leave." as Kirk spoke he saw a youth run from the hospital, motioning to them to follow him.

It was like running in a labyrinth after a rabbit but they stopped outside a door marked Emergency and Trauma and the young man pointed to it, "He is still breathing."

As soon as they went in Uhura walked up to him and hugged him, "McCoy says it won't be long now as his lungs are filling with his blood, he is fighting to breathe. They're in the next room."

Kirk gave her a quick embrace and walked into the other room. McCoy blocked his full view of Spock but Kirk could see Spock was breathing through his mouth, could hear him straining for each breath and saw how he looked pale, far too pale.

As he started to go further into the room McCoy gripped his arm so he had to look at him, "That elderly woman there is the boss, she is in **total control** as far as we, and **especially you**, are concerned. She has kept him alive this long. She's an old fashioned healer and I'll be damned if she hasn't kept him alive much longer than I could have. Do as she says, Jim. I kept thinking we would lose him but she has kept him with us this long. You do exactly what she says when she tells you and nothing else, ya hear me?"

Kirk nodded and slowly walked in and stood looking first at the woman who placed a finger to her lips silently telling him not to speak, then at Spock. He wanted to hold the Vulcan, wanted to somehow give him all of his own strength to fight with. The woman stood and placed a hand under his shirt and on his chest over his heart and then reached out to Spock, placing her other hand where the Vulcan heart was and closed her eyes. "Say nothing. Briefly take his hand in your hand as you usually do when he is unwell, hold it till I say to let go. Then be still and silent." Carefully Kirk took Spock's hand in his, feeling the fingers just laying limply in his hand yet knowing the strength those fingers held, almost instinctively he gave it a gentle squeeze and rubbed the back of Spock's hand with his thumb as he did on the Enterprise.

Vaguely Kirk was aware that the others had walked over and formed a semi-circle around him as though blocking out everything and everybody else even though there was nothing to block out.

"Let go of his hand. Move you had away so that he must reach out for it. He must decide on you now. It is now for him to decide." For a moment Kirk was not going to, did not want to, but saw how McCoy looked at him.

Nothing happened and Kirk found it difficult not too speak, not to pull Spock to him. His friend looked so frail, so thin, so ill. As he waited and watched he noticed how very gradually Spock's breathing slowed.

* * *

A/N Would love to be able to send some of our summer warmth to those in the U.S. and our calm seas to those in the U.K. Thinking of you guys. Got a busy weekend coming up so thought I would get this up now. Take care, stay safe, and enjoy.


	8. Chapter 8

There was a long pause and Kirk fought the urge to pull the Vulcan to him thinking Spock had died. Those fifteen centimetres between his hand and Spock's seemed too far for his friend to reach in his condition. It was too far and yet the woman had said it was for Spock to decided, for Spock to really reach for him. What if that nod had been officer to officer and not friend to friend? Kirk remembered how long it had taken to get to really know Spock and for Spock to allow him to see past that Vulcan wall of impassiveness and was not sure if his actions had not rebuilt that wall between them. A small part of him could understand and accept that was a possibility, especially after how he had acted, how he had treated his friend. Kirk knew that if Spock decided what they had was gone he would just let go and slip away. Somehow Spock had to know it was still there, still real. He had to know that.

Then Spock took a deep breath At first just the long fingers slightly moved as though trying to grip Kirk's hand, then his hand and arm moved till his fingers gripped Kirk's. Kirk heard that baritone voice sigh rather than say, "Jim." as the fingers tightened around his and Spock's breathing eased into long breaths, not very deep but more relaxed.

The woman nodded, "You may take his hand and acknowledge his search as you are the one he has waited for. Now you must decide if he means to you what," Kirk had immediately taken Spock's hand in his again and started rubbing it as he did, "you mean to him. You must know that it will be up to you to help him to return to what he was as for five standard days he will be physically as a new born and you will be the one to be with him. My apprentices will assist with his bodily cleansing but you must hold his mind here. He is a Vulcan and will have no control over his body or his bodily functions till his body is cleared of all gainine and his mind rejoins it. With gainine Vulcans die in the body first while their minds tell them they if they truly do matter to a certain other or not. Should he feel another of those he has some feeling for and not you, for some time yet, he he will believe he does not matter to you and he will let the gainine take him for **it is you** he feels for most, you are who he has waited for. It is clear that he cares about Uhura and McCoy and considers them almost as close as he thinks of you and he cares deeply about Scott, Chekov, and Sulu as close family. But you are who centers him. You are who he fights to stay with. As you said hurtful words to him last time you spoke to him he will be uncertain as to if you are here out of duty or what you feel for him. In his state you cannot hide what you feel. Do you understand?"

For a moment Kirk could not think of Spock as being so vulnerable as she was stating he would be. When he looked down at his friend and really looked at his body he saw how the gainine had ravaged it, how wasted it looked. He looked at McCoy with many questions he wanted to ask.

McCoy saw his friend's pain and uncertainty in that look. He knew what was between the two men and knew what gainine should have done to Spock by now but this woman, this old woman, had had more experience in dealing with patients with gainine poisoning than he had and if this had worked for her in the past it was Spock's only hope.

Before McCoy could reply Kirk saw the truth in the blue eyes and he gave McCoy a nod of thanks and understanding. If McCoy thought he could do it then he knew he could. He could only hope that his very private Vulcan friend would understand and accept this help. He looked at the old woman and nodded. Remaining silent was starting to test his patience.

"You must know that for twelve hours a day he will be in a bath of liquid drawing the poison out. You will help in keeping his head above the liquid, help in keeping his mind on you and what you share, help him remembering that which you two have is important to both of you. While my apprentices will clean him after each bath and swaddle him in herbal blankets you must remain in physical contact with him so he feels you are there, so his mind will know you care. There is some liquid he **must** drink six times in a twenty-four hour period for the next five days and he will fight you making him drink it as it tastes foul and he must drink six hundred mils at a time. He will drink some and regurgitate some but you **must** ensure he swallows six hundred mils despite what he regurgitates. You will have to be with him at all times and you will find it difficult to get much, if any, real sleep. While your friends may assist you only you must assist him, only you may talk with him, only you may touch him."

As Kirk quickly looked at the others he saw them nod one by one as he looked at them, something he knew they would do. When he looked back at the woman she nodded, "I can see you accept this. You are worthy of this one. You may speak to him but only a few words at a time as he is in great physical pain and the gainine will be dulling his mind as it does to Vulcans which greatly troubles them. It causes them to remember parts of the past but mainly the last conversation and encounter with the one they care the most about. He may or may not speak but know if he does it will only be a few words and may be in either Vulcan or Standard. I will return shortly when I have his first bath is ready. You will wait here until we have him in the bath. I will get you then. You will be with him then until my apprentices arrive for him. You will rejoin him here after that, you will make him drink and care for him, be in constant contact with him until it is time for his next bath. While he will be swaddled from his shoulders down his arms will be wrapped in herbed cloths but outside the swaddling. It will take you a day or two to adjust to the routine but you must follow it. After his fourth bath the others may touch him and talk with him but he will need you to be with him, to reassure him, to let him know you do care."

Kirk looked again at the others then back down at his Vulcan friend. "Spock, its Jim. I'm right here and I am staying with you. We can talk later. You just rest."

"McCoy? Uhura?" there was weakness in the voice yet Kirk heard the concern and saw it in the dark eyes looking at him. Long fingers tried to grip his hand. Kirk knew then just how big a toll the gainine had taken on his friend.

"They are both here and safe. Sulu, Scotty, and Chekov are also here. They will talk with you later. You rest."

"My report. Lost?"

It was the furthest thing from Kirk's mind but knew his friend would think first of others then of his duty which, on this mission, had been to report what was needed. Somewhere in the rubble would be his report.

McCoy stepped forward and whispered, "Tell him Janet has taken care of it. She found and was somehow able to get his report out of his unit and Uhura sent it."

Still looking at Spock and seeing the conflict and uncertainty he had seen there before Kirk said, "Do not think about that, Spock, just rest. Janet found your report and Uhura sent it for you. Just rest."

"Tired."

"Just rest, Spock. I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here. Just rest." He saw the uncertainty and conflict still about Spock's eyes but also saw the slight nod Spock gave him before the dark eyes closed.

As he stood looking down at his friend his mind played back that scene on the bridge and Spock's message._. "You are nothing to me but an insubordinate subordinate officer…I am your superior officer. Now get the hell off my bridge and stay the hell out of my life." "your request that I stay out of your life showed me my action the only one I can make. I will not be rejoining the Enterprise."_ That look of blended conflict and uncertainty was because of him. He felt a coldness deep inside himself as he realized Spock could still die, that Spock could believe what he said to him on the bridge. After how he had been behaving, how he had been trying to be like Fallet just to see how different their methods of captaining a starship felt, Spock could have believed him. The rest of the crew would most likely understand the humanness of such an action but Spock would not have understood his actions for Spock was Vulcan and Vulcans were a people content with who they are, who did not pretend at being what they are not, and who respect order in life.

How could he have forgotten that? Spock was Vulcan. "_As per your orders."_ He could have thought he had been given an order to rest. He had asked about the others and about his report. Had that nod had just been an acknowledgement of an order from a senior officer and not of acknowledging him as a friend? Kirk fought to control the anger he felt for allowing himself to be so influenced by Fallet to forget that.

The woman returned with two young women and two young men who carried Spock into another room. Uhura walked up to Kirk, "Sir, there is a private message for you that you can access on the terminal over there."

Kirk walked over to the terminal and read the message, slowly sitting down as he fought to control a fury building in him. Had the others not been there and had he not known how long it had taken Uhura to get the system up Kirk knew he most likely would have physically lashed out in rage and most likely have smashed the terminal into its component parts but he sat still doing, or more like attempting to do, the calming breathing Spock had taught him so long ago. He was physically controlling his fury that way while thinking of what he wanted to do to Fallet. No, thinking what he **would do** to Fallet.


	9. Chapter 9

His eyes seemed fixated on just a few parts of the message, seeming to imprint them into his mind. "_Prolonged exposure to excessively high levels. Evidence of systemic saturation. Point of contact from mid-scapula region to under clavicle on both sides." "There is every possibility of the patient being unaware of ingestion as tasteless." "The patient would not have been aware of the gradual changes constant inhalation cause. The patient would exhibit and experience false sense of being in control despite what others tell them." _He might not have known but Fallet would have. _**"Puppet**."_ That was what he had become and Fallet had pulled the strings. All the other times he had been under the influence of substances he had known: the spores, the tears; every time he had known but not this time. Not once had he suspected anything, he had thought it was just him being in the role. He had not been fully aware of how his actions were effecting the crew, not even when he had… Damn him! If Spock died there would be no, absolutely no stopping him from killing Fallet. As it was he wanted to pummel him to a pulp.

"You come in now. Alone."

As he stood up he was aware of the others all watching him. Kirk knew that they could not seen the screen but that over they years they had watched him, in a way studied him, and could read his body language better than anything written. Uhura lightly touched his arm and said, "We will go check on the progress of the repairs and come back shortly. I'll bring **you** something to eat and some coffee."

It was a small steam-filled room not unlike one on the Enterprise. A very pungent smell and a small but deep bathtub like structure in the middle with Spock in it in a brownish liquid that, when Kirk cautiously reached out and dipped a finger in it to experience a sample of what Spock was enduring, was very sticky and had a caused a slight tingling, almost stinging, sensation It clearly was the source of the bitterly spicy aroma of the room. Actually it was more of a stench than an aroma. One of the young men handed Kirk a small mask and large cylinder, "You are to wear this as it is normal air for the attendee. When more is added to the bath you will get a new cylinder. Sit on the stool and ensure the flotation devise keeps his head out of the liquid. You are to hold his hand so he knows you are with him. You may talk to him. He may be greatly confused as the gainine is still trying to claim him."

Kirk nodded his thanks as he took the items the young man held out and, after adjusting it and taking some deep breaths of air, sat on the small stool by the bath. For a moment he sat just looking at his friend trying not to think of what he had said and what he had just read. All that mattered now was to keep Spock alive. All the rest he would deal with later. Carefully he checked that the flotation device they had under Spock's chin was keeping his head well clear of the liquid and he could easily breathe. Only then did he take Spock's hand. "It's Jim, Spock. I'm right here. The others have gone to make sure what you, Uhura and McCoy started gets done. From all I have heard you three got a lot done in a short time."

"Uhura, communication. McCoy, medical."

"You just rest. We will talk later."

"My report?"

A moment of shock seized Kirk as it was not like Spock not to remember things about his reports but then he sighed as this would be the confusion the youth had told him about and a fear then threatened to take hold as he remembered how the youth had said it was a sign that the gainine was still trying to claim him

"Janet found your pad and retrieved the report. Uhura has sent it."

"Janet and Uhura, good team."

"Don't talk. Just rest. I'll be right here." For a moment his was quiet then he carefully reached out to quickly and lightly brush Spock's fringe back into place, "That was not an order, Spock. I am asking you to just rest and know I am right here. We can talk later."

Briefly the eyes opened and Kirk saw the echoes of the conflict and confusion that he had seen before, "You'll stay."

Quickly Kirk placed his other hand on top of Spock's hand already being held, encircling it, and gave a reassuring squeeze not sure if Spock had made a statement of asked a question. "I'm staying right here with you all the time, Spock. I will only leave you if you want me to or that woman says I have to."

There was a slight nod before the eyes closed and yet Kirk was still unsure if Spock fully understood or, if he did, if he believed him. Kirk did not want to think of a life not just without Spock but, if Spock lived, a life without what they had had for so long. Spock had seen him under the influences of outside forces before, there was no denying that, and none of those occasions had effected that special connection they have, had. Had. This time the influence was different. This time he had not been aware of being under any influence, he had believed he was just experience what it was like for Fallet, he was not willing to acknowledge he had not been under control. "A false sense of being in control despite what others tell them" came back to him along with what he had said to Spock and how he had said it.

Time seemed to lose all meaning as he sat watching Spock's chest rise and fall, hearing how each breath was an effort. All of this was his fault. He should have stopped Fallet's actions, should have been the first one to start rectifying what had been done. Humans were more immune to gainine and vaccination worked for them but not Vulcans.

A hand rested briefly on his shoulder and he looked up into the face of the old woman who was clearly studying him, "You are the one he cares much about and you care much about him. Now you will need that understanding as he will not want to drink this." she set a covered container on the floor, "but he must. This is a litre but he must drink six hundred mils. Humans have a drink that is not as strong but Vulcans have different blood so some Vulcan herbs have been added. He will not want to drink but you must make him. He will remember your angry words to him and fight verbally as he is too weak, even by Human standards, to fight physically though he will try, and you must let him without retaliation as it is not him fighting you but the gainine. The gainine is still trying to claim his mind so he will be confused. The drink stops it in body and mind. Change air containers now."

Once the woman had gone curiosity got the better of Kirk when he took the lid of the canister so he dipped his index finger into the hot liquid and tasted the few drops. Almost immediately he regretted the action as his mouth felt on fire and he knew he could not have swallowed any of it.

Gently he shook Spock's shoulder and held the container to his lips when Spock opened his eyes, "Spock, you have to drink this. It combats the gainine. It does not taste nice but you have to drink it."

Spock took one mouthful, a second, and after the third he vomited. Kirk glanced at the level on the container then set it down and held Spock as his body heaved trying to clear his stomach of the fluid. "I know it tastes bad but you have to drink it, all of it."

Spock looked at him in silence for a moment, some of the regurgitated liquid still on his chin. "Is that an order, Captain?"

It was more than just the question and Kirk knew it. He knew the Vulcan as well as he knew himself and he knew that Spock was also asking so much more. The woman had said he would fight verbally and would remember his last angry words. Kirk also knew that this was not the time to confront all of that.

"No, no it is not an order, Spock. I won't make it an order. I need you to drink all of this to combat the gainine. I need my friend and my First Officer with me and for that to happen you must drink this." He saw the dark eyes looking up at him and knew they were looking into him, "I need you and you need this. You have more to drink every day for five days."

"And then?"

"Then we go back to the ship. Here, take some more." Spock drank some more and again vomited part of it, but Kirk noticed he was retaining more.

"Vulcan herb extracts. Bitter."

"A little bit more and that's all for now." Kirk did not know if Spock was drinking because he had to for his own sake, because he was following an order, or because his friend had asked him. It was enough for now that Spock drank what he had to. As the old woman had said, he did vomit a great deal but he easily drank six hundred mils.

Dark eyes looked at him, "Tired. You staying?"

Kirk carefully wiped the last traces of vomit from his friend's face, picked up his hand, and gave it a squeeze as he said, "I told you I was staying right here."

"The ship. Who?"

"You just rest. The ship has a good crew. We will go back in five days. You rest."

"You'll stay?" There was still the conflict and confusion about Spock's eyes but there was also a strange certainty yet pleading. "_The gainine is still trying to claim his mind"_

Kirk moved closer to the bath and kept looking into his friend's eyes, "I'm not leaving you, Spock. I'm staying right here."

"Drink soporific. You stay I sleep."

"I'll be right here, Spock. You sleep." As he watched his friend's breathing change into the deep relaxed state that indicated he was sleeping Kirk hoped that through their contact his friend could not detect what he wanted to do to Fallet. He hoped this friend could not detect his fear of losing him to gainine, to Fallet. As Kirk looked at his friend he only hoped somehow this precious being knew what he meant to him. But he knew it was all over to Spock now.

Memories came to him in flashes. Disjointed. Kaleidoscopic with not sequence. Working on his report. Explosion. The Enterprise. Hazel eyes with a feverish fury. "S_tay the hell out of my life."_ Bannet Base. Gainine. McCoy and Uhura in danger. Pipe only way to them. Feet hurt. Something in him. Cellular collapse an unusual sensation. Something clouding his mind. "_That cussed Vulcan side of you should want to show the human side which is stronger._" His feet and legs warm. A slowing of cellular collapse. A familiar hand grasping his. Familiar fingers touching his face but not trying to enter his mind. Something about Jim saying goodbye. Jim. The Captain. The eyes. The eyes were wrong. Horrible taste. McCoy's treatment? The Captain making him drink the vile liquid. Not an order. Concern in the same voice that had told him to stay out of his life. He had stayed. He held his hand. No. To him just another officer. Not even that. What? "_You are nothing to me but an insubordinate subordinate officer_." His report. Janet found it. Uhura sent it. Ordered to drink that bitter liquid. Held as vomited. Wiped face. Holding hand. The hazel eyes were not right before. Before. On the ship. Eyes were wrong. Not Jim's eyes. Not Jim. Logic dictates sleep. Gainine fatal to Vulcans yet his human half. Human half and that liquid. Jim had said he had to drink it. Jim there then all were there. All had come. McCoy had said they would. Fallet? No, McCoy had not said his name. Just them. Jim and them. He would sleep. They were there. Jim, Jim held his hand. Would watch over him. His eyes were his now. Strange eyes then. Now eyes to watch over him. He could sleep.

The second container of the pungent liquid he had to make Spock drink was as eventful as the first but Spock as not as violently sick as before and said nothing but did briefly grip his hand tighter before going back to sleep.

When Kirk looked at the old woman as he handed her back the container she nodded slightly, "It had more Vulcan herbs but next one will have none. The next one he will not want and you may have to force him to swallow it. Two of my apprentices will be there to hold him for you while you make him swallow. It is the most potent as it makes him force out the poison which is why he will be swaddled for twelve hours afterwards. The drink will almost immediately also purge his systems. This helps it start to get the poison totally out of his body. The drink will also move the poison to where the herbs in the swaddling can draw it out. He will be delirious as it is not a Vulcan way but it then starts drawing the gainine from his body. Again the words may not make sense but it is not him it is the gainine. By the third day he will be more lucid and by the fifth he will be as he was only lacking the physical strength the gainine has taken from him."

For a moment she just looked at him and Kirk knew she was seeing something others did not, "You doubting yourself is something he would not like. His confusion is because of the gainine. He will know your angry words were just that, words. He being here with him proves they were just words with no substance. Your hand holding his is substance. He will know that."

After the woman left Kirk just sat holding Spock's hand and reflected on what she had said and felt relieved. Bones had often told him of the wisdom of these old fashioned healers, had often told him how rare they were and how so much of the medicine used on starships came from such humble beginnings.

When the woman went back into the room the rest of the crew were waiting in five pairs of concerned eyes looked at him and one pair of indifferent eyes. She looked at the man who seemed so removed from what was going on. "Should the Vulcan die I do not think anything I can do will keep you alive."

Fallet started, "I am," then went quiet when the woman simply raised an index finger.

"You are not welcome in my house. It is bad enough you are on this base. Till they leave you will stay in that room," she pointed to a door, "you will find ablution facilities and a bed. Meals will be brought to you. My apprentices will help you get there if need be. Move."

For a moment Fallet hesitated till he saw the build of the male apprentices and the set look on their faces and then he went meekly into the room. The woman then looked at the five others, "There are beds in that room there for you," she pointed to another door, "and meals will be brought to you shortly." she looked at Uhura, "My apprentices have made meals in accordance with not only what we have but with what you told Janet you eat. There is a different meal for the one sitting in there. He will need it as the hardest time is yet to come for him. Many cannot bear to be with the other at such times but it is important for the one who is ill. During the time of the first swaddling they are as newborns only with adult nightmares. This is when real emotions and feelings are exposed as they relive the angry words."

"That would not change what either of them feel about one another. They are like one." Uhura had maintained eye contact with the old woman.

There was silence as the two women looked at one another and the old woman nodded, "They will need to be for the one who came will see what the other is really going through, what they have gone through, with gainine. I have seen many just walk away from the other after this stage."

"You won't see that with them."

The old woman nodded, "Many have said that but they do walk one who is Vulcan has, as his people, deep emotions they do not speak of and it is the sudden release of these that make the others leave. But enough of this. Go eat for the one who came will need all of you after the third drink. He will need all of you while my apprentices swaddle the infected one."

Even the aroma of the third drink was different. It caught in Kirk's throat and he wondered how he would get Spock to swallow any of it. The two apprentices he had been told about stood nearby. The old woman looked at him, "Do it now. He must drink all of this while it is still hot."

At first Spock had willingly taken about three mouthfuls and then closed his mouth and shook his head. He had looked at Kirk accusingly and said, "**No. No more. No more. Not my friend. No**." Kirk later could not remember much of what happened apart from the two apprentices coming forward and holding Spock still, tilting his head back so Kirk could pour the liquid into his mouth and one of them taking his hand and making him stoke Spock's his throat to make him swallow. It had been a mixture of fury and gratitude when that apprentice had taken his hand as he knew he could not have done it on his own. Not with Spock looking at him as he was. Not even knowing that gainine was still in his friend's systems and clouding his reality. Almost as soon as Spock had swallowed the last of it and had regurgitated a small amount Kirk saw his body start to contort and watched as the two apprentices held him as his body twisted and writhed in obvious pain, and they struggled to keep his head above the churning sludge till his body went limp.


	10. Chapter 10

"You leave him with us now. We will clean him, swaddle him, and place him in the other room then get you. He will again need you then. Go be with your others and take care of your own needs for thirty standard minutes." Kirk heard the words but all he saw was his friend's limp body in their arms.

Only for a moment before he was about to move to take Spock from them did Kirk pause. The taller of the two apprentices gripped his arm, "It is good you wish to help him. You must go now. He will need you when he awakens."

_When he awakens_. Kirk nodded, reassured, and walked into the other room when the others were waiting.

As he reached out and took the cup of coffee that Uhura handed him he could see they were all waiting for him to say something. "He's sleeping. He's still fighting and confused but now he is sleeping. Some strong medicine that seems to be working."

"Are you alright, Captain? For some time you were not yourself." Uhura had not stopped looking at him and Kirk understood it.

He knew he had to tell them. McCoy looked at him, "That private message tell you what you needed to know, Jim?"

Looking at each one at a time slowly, knowing he had hurt them, Kirk slowly nodded. "That message told me what I needed to know. It told me something McCoy and I suspected too late. Since he boarded the Enterprise Fallet had targeted me to be a puppet. Over the time he was on the ship he was in control of me and while you all saw it I did not. He brought aboard two drugs that have been banned from use for over a hundred years: one I drank and one he put on my daily."

Sulu nodded, "The way he would come into the bridge and would always put both hands on your shoulders and how he brought you coffee?"

"How he said things then looked at you to repeat them and support him. I saw that happen many times and thought you believed him because of him being him, Commodore Fallet. You could not correct him for many reasons." Chekov looked at him. "Mister Spock spoke for us. He did not know either, did he?"

"No," Kirk closed his eyes and shook his head. "I, I did not speak with him all the time Fallet was on the ship. I, I thought at the time it was because I wanted to be with him to learn how he accomplished all he did. I did not know about the drugs till after, till I got the messages left my him, McCoy, and Uhura. I, I only then thought of how I had been as by then I had not been with Fallet for forty-eight hours and my mind was clear. That message just confirmed all that the drugs were able to do to me. It does not excuse,"

"Aye, but tis not your fault, Sir. As for that thing," the engineer stood and Kirk saw a look on his face he had rarely seen before, "I'll be taking care of him."

"Scotty," Kirk started as he had not only seen something in the way the man had stood up but also heard something in the way his chief engineer spoke that made him look at the man and he could tell from the reaction of the others they had also heard it.

.

"Ye nay need ta worry, Sir. I'll nay kill the thing but he will wish to die before he's done the wee job I'll be having him do. Been wondering who I could afford to use and he'll do nicely." Scotty looked towards the door to the room Spock was in, "He'd nay approve but would see the logic and know the job has to be done. I'll be taking him now, show him what he's ta do, and leave a local or two ta watch him. Aye, they'll enjoy watching him."

As the engineer was about to open the door to the room Fallet was in Kirk said, "What sort of job?"

Just for a moment the engineer stopped with the door partly ajar, "Why checking the sewers, Sir. We need to be sure we have them done now don't we? He is the right build to be down then when we check them. He will unblock any that are blocked. Tis easy enough for him."

There was a look of fury and fear on Fallet's face when Scotty pulled him out of the room. It was obvious he had heard what was happening as he looked at Kirk, "Captain Kirk, you cannot allow this. I am,"

"You are here to help these people get their base, which you almost destroyed, back into full running order. If my Chief Engineer says you are the best for a task I believe him. At the moment I can think of no more a suitable place for you to work."

"But do you know what he meant about checking them?"

Kirk looked at the others then at Scotty, "No, but I know that he would not have you do it unless he felt you were right for it."

"Aye, Sir, he is right for it as he is as we need to know if all pipes are unblocked and the sewage is flowing as it should. We've nay got equipment running properly there yet so it must be the old-fashioned way of manual inspection and unblocking." As they started to leave Scotty stopped and looked back at Kirk, "I'll nay be long, Sir. Ye'll nay see him till the morning."

It was only once the door had shut that there was any comment from the others and then it was McCoy who was trying not to laugh, "I don't know why but I think Scotty knows where they will find blocked pipes."

"I think I vould have had him killed and left in the sewers."

Sulu looked at McCoy, "Any chance of him contracting something from the sewage in the pipes? You do realize Scotty said nothing about protective clothing."

Uhura smiled, "He did say that Fallet was right for the job as he is. And if those pipes have been blocked since the explosion."

McCoy looked from Uhura to Kirk and smiled, "I am sure that if those pipes have been blocked for that length of time that Fallet will honestly be physically in what he deserves to be in. I would just love to hear the instructions Scotty gives to the local engineers about what he is to do."

Kirk smiled, "Knowing Mister Scott and the pride he takes in his work I am sure they will be very exact instructions about what he is to do. At least for now he is repaying some of the damage he has caused."

"You best take a bit of time to freshen-up and eat. These next few hours will be rough enough without having to worry about you as well." McCoy handed him some clean clothes and nodded towards a door. "Small ablution area in there. If you are lucky it drains to a block pipe."

Kirk almost felt selfish as he took a long shower. It felt good. He felt almost totally clean, only that part of his mind where he knew that should Spock die it would be his fault alone felt like it would never be clean. He was the reason his best friend was as he was and he was finding that harder to bear as time passed. He wanted to stay in the shower as he, he admitted to himself, was afraid to face what was to come. The woman had said that what was to come was the worst for Spock and that he would be delirious but would remember the angry words. Which ones? Saying he was nothing to him or to stay out of his life? How could he get Spock to understand? "_Your hand holding his is substance."_ The words came back to him. Holding his hand. That simple awareness that he was there with him. "_Your hand holding his is substance_."

Kirk was just finishing the last bite of his meal when the woman came in and looked at him. "He is in the other room. An apprentice will be just outside the other door should you need assistance."

As he got up he was aware of the others looking at him, "I'll let him know you are all still here waiting for him." He saw no point in telling them that there was a great possibility that Spock would not even be aware of that.

It was a different room, still with the steam but breathable. There was a chair beside a bed and Spock lay on the bed swaddled in damp cloths with just his right arm uncovered. There was a turban like wrapping around his head with just his face and right ear visible. A young man Kirk had seen before, one of the apprentices indicated the chair. "I will be right outside the door should you or he require assistance. I will come in only at those times and when I bring his drink."

Almost fearfully Kirk took Spock's hand. Oddly the swaddling instead of bulking his physique showed just how badly the gainine had ravished his body. He was way too thin. Even the slight plumpness about his cheek bones was gone. The hand in his was almost nothing but bone. "I'm here, Spock. They had me leave while they treated you but I am here now. The others are all waiting for you as well. I am the only one they will let in with you." Gently he squeezed the hand he held as he was afraid of hurting it.

"They?"

"The medical staff here at Bannet Base." Frantically Kirk tried to think. Had Spock said anything to him after his own tirade on the bridge. He saw the startled and hurt look then the searching and finally the accepting looks that had flashed across Spock's face before he had simply said "Yes, Sir." and calmly left the bridge. Last angry words. They had all been his own, not Spock's.

"Starbase Eight."

"We were there. You, you had an accident here."

"You told me to go."

Kirk closed his eyes, Spock remembered. "You went but got hurt."

"Out of your life. You wanted."

_"Go on, confuse him more by telling him how you were under the influence of Somneb24 and Confrontal 48. Tell him how you only found out at Starbase Eight and got all the details when you got here about how it would have thrown you for a loop. Go on, he cannot suddenly turn to his station or avoid you. Go on tell him."_ a small voice in his head laughed at him as he just looked at Spock laying as helpness and confused as he was with his eyes just barely open and looking at him. Kirk gently squeezed the hand again, "I was so wrong about that Spock. But we will talk later. You need to rest."

"Uhura and McCoy safe? Two of them but only one time on pipe."

"They are both fine."

"No. Only one. Who, who did I miss?"

"Spock, you got them both."

"No. You weren't there. Who died?"

Kirk placed his other hand of the one he held and squeezed, Spock was confused and getting irritated, "You took both of them, Spock. You saved them both."

"Uhura with Janet?"

"Yes, Uhura is with Janet."

Spock gasped then shut his eyes and started to shake his head, "No. No. No. I killed McCoy. Not McCoy. Not McCoy."

Quickly Kirk placed his hands on both sides of Spock's head to still him and felt Spock almost immediately relax as he said, "You saved McCoy and Uhura. Uhura is working with Janet. You saved both McCoy and Uhura."

Slowly Spock calmed then looked at him, looked into him. "Your eyes were not your eyes but are now."

"I was," he paused only for a moment, "unwell. I am better now."

"McCoy?"

"Yes, he helped me."

"Janet parts for computer system. Not listed."

"I'll see she gets what she needs."

"Like Mister Scott, parts used."

Not too sure of what he meant but realizing whatever it was could wait all Kirk did was reply, "Yes, she is. You rest. We will talk later."

The old lady came in with another container of liquid and three apprentices who immediately rolled Spock on his side, unwrapped some of the swaddling to remove some packets of herbs and used tongs to replace them with steaming hot ones, swaddled him back as he was, rolled him back onto his back. Spock opened his eyes and looked at Kirk, "McCoy?"

"No, Spock, not McCoy."

"He asks for this one called McCoy?"

"He was confused. He thought he had killed McCoy. He remembers only making one trip to save Uhura and McCoy but thought he only saved Uhura."

The old woman looked at him, "He remembers them? Anything else in order?"

"That we were bound for Starbase Eight, that I had said things to him, then Uhura and McCoy and a pipe, only making on trip to save two, and then Janet needing parts for the computer system."

The woman looked at Spock, "He is Vulcan?"

":His father is Vulcan and his mother Human." For some reason Kirk had assumed the woman knew, had thought McCoy would surely have told her. He saw the woman shake her head, "Does that make a difference?"

She looked at her apprentices, "Bring the one called McCoy here."

When McCoy walked in there was no mistaking the way he looked at Spock, the blend of concerned friend and medical professional, before he looked at the woman, "You asked to see me."

"You said his physiology is Vulcan but have you not found Human elements may interfere with the treatments you give?" it was more a statement than a question, the way McCoy could remember some of his professors correcting them. He had to admit he had been too fascinated with what the woman had been doing, mixing, to think about those few times when the Human genetic factor had posed a problem.

"At the time all I could think about was that Starfleet has no known cure let alone treatment for gainine and was fascinated by what you were doing to think about that as most treatments for Vulcans work on Spock." A moment of panic seized him as he realized his not mentioning may have harmed Spock, "Did,"

"By initially treating him as a full Vulcan we have stopped the gainine and we must now try a blended treatment."

"McCoy?" the baritone voice sounded tired but Kirk felt the hand in his try to move and looked from Spock to the old woman who nodded and Kirk released the hand. "McCoy?" the voice was a bit louder and almost beseeching as though afraid.

McCoy moved close to the bed to where Spock could see him and took hold of the hand, shocked at how thin and weak it was when the fingers tried to grip his hand. "I'm right here, Spock."

"If I may I would," McCoy saw the unasked question in the dark eyes.

Slowly McCoy leaned forward and raised the thin hand in his to his face and held the fingers against his face, "Find what you need, Spock."

Spock found his mind cradled as it touched the recent events in McCoy's mind and saw the events as McCoy had seen them, felt his emotions. The total trust McCoy had in him to resolve the problem at Bannet Base, the certainty that they would find out why Kirk had been acting as he had, and then the absolute faith and trust clearly shown when he had rescued the two of them. There was also a feeling there that something had not been right with James Kirk, that he had not been himself. Somneb24 and Confrontal 48: Fallet had used them on Jim. McCoy was not rushing him but Spock could feel the trepidation he was aware of each time he had even such a minor mind touch as this with McCoy. As he started to withdraw he saw the others smile at Mister Scott taking Fallet to clear drains and the flash of disappointment on Uhura's face when only McCoy was allowed in.

"Thanks you, Doctor McCoy." Spock said as they both mentally returned to the room and others.

"I won't say anytime, Spock, but glad it helped you some."

"Some is too minor a term. You have enabled me to recollect **all **the events since Commodore Fallet boarded the Enterprise."

Kirk reached out and took Spock's hand, moving to his Vulcan friend could see him, "**All events**, Spock?"

"All events that I was present at, yes."

"I, I need to apologise as how I acted was,"

"Was clearly the compounded result of Fallet illegally using Somneb24 and Confrontal 48 on you over a substantial time period. I should have suspected something sooner as you eyes were not your eyes. Your eyes were without life."

"That is still no excuse for,"

"Jim, a sustained exposure to a combination of Somneb24 and Confrontal 48 explains many things but does not expain," Kirk prepared himself to hear how badly he had hurt his friend, "why you did not attempt to stop Mister Scott from taking Commodore Fallet to clear unblocked sewage pipes?" There was just the slightest glint of mischievousness about the eyes that made Kirk smile.

"It was agreed with Admiral Billings that he should help. I may have mentioned that to Scotty and he came up with,"

"Did he, at that time, know of Fallet's involvement in the events?"

"Yes, but he assured me he would not kill him, just put him to work." For a moment the two friends looked at each other, so much said that only they heard.

Spock looked up at the old woman, "I thank for your great assistance and skills in saving my life. If,"

The old woman held up her hand to silence him, "It is I who must thank you. I watched you with our young, encouraging them to embrace the new while remembering the past, to learn both new and old skills. I heard it was you alone who decided to immediately return to us and start repairs knowing that it would be you who would be blamed. I know it was you who worked through that first night you were here to get my special hydroponics area repaired, as well as the irrigation to my regular gardens. It was you who fixed the play area for the young and even installed more challenges for them. And you cannot deny you were the one who also made sure that those with limitations had easy access out of the building until the power was bank to full strength."

Kirk was aware of how McCoy was looking at Spock, clearly he had not know what their Vulcan friend had been doing while he and Uhura slept.

"I came to put right,"

Again the hand went up and Spock was quiet, "You came in your Captain's place knowing that he would have been killed by a mob had he come. You came to put right the mistake of others but you also came knowing you could very likely be killed. True?"

"True."

"At the time did you know this could be a suicide mission?"

"I was prepared for that, yes. I was uncertain as to the reception I would get but knew that had Captain Kirk come he would have been killed. I would not let that happen." Spock looked at the woman, "How much longer do I have to remain here like this? There are things I could,"

"Oh no you don't, Spock. Excuse me for putting in, but this hobgoblin has tried that quick exit from Sickbay far too many times." McCoy looked from the woman to Spock, "You are in no condition,"

"To do work. You are well enough to leave if your friends will ensure you do no heavy lifting and you allow them to assist you in moving for the next three days. You must have only light meals, plenty of fluids, and only gradually put your full weight on your legs. Gainine weakens the muscles in Humans and degenerates them in Vulcans. I will release you to McCoy's care only if you give me your word that others will, for the next three days, be supporting you as you walk anywhere," she looked at him, "including ablution areas."

Quickly Spock looked at McCoy and Kirk and saw them both nod. It would be difficult to allow them to assists him with ablutions but if they were willing, "I will accept the support of others as I know I am not physically able to support myself but that I should be able to be relatively independent within that time."

"And the Captain and I will make sure he does not try anything till he is ready for it. The others will also want to help and keep an eye on him. Now," McCoy pointed to the container that the woman had brought in, "do you still want him to drink that? Does he still need to be swaddled?"

Spock quickly looked at McCoy. The good doctor had seen that in his mind, the way he found being swaddled most unpleasant and how that liquid was not only revolting to drink but also tended to cause severe digestive upsets.

"If you have clothes he can wear you may take him to the new quarters arranged for you."

"Yes, we have some clothes he can wear. Thanks you."

"I will leave you then. Once again, we are in your debt. I am pleased the ways of old still work. When you have washed him and dressed him one of my apprentices will come back and clean the room so just leave the swaddling on the floor. I will tell the others they can come in."

After a very brief reunion as they could all see how eager Spock was to be out of his present situation Uhura rushed off to get clean clothes from what had been salvaged of their belongings, Scotty said he had something to get, and Sulu and Chekov found a mobile standing frame still in good working order and had a short discussion about what height to set it to, Sulu repeatedly testing that the hydraulics would enable Spock to get from a seated position to an upright position easily.

With the help of McCoy and Kirk and dressed in the clothes Uhura had returned with Spock raised an eyebrow when he saw the standing frame. He had prepared himself of a chair for some sort even though he would prefer to stand more as was more than pleasantly surprised to see the standing frame. "I believe the Captain asked you to find a chair." As he looked at the two of them Sulu immediately looked at Chekov and Spock then looked at him, "Am I to believe you found the frame?"

"I know the Keptin said a chair but you must stand for your legs and I thought it vould let you stand and help you onto and out of a chair. I am,"

"You were correct in your assumption, Mister Chekov. Thank you." Gently Kirk and McCoy supported him as he slowly walked to it. The time Sulu had taken to get the hydraulics to work properly was worth it as Spock easily managed the switches and nodded with satisfaction and it allowed him to stand correctly and eased him down to a seat and back up.

"Thank you for your time in adjusting the timing in the hydraulics, Mister Sulu. The fine touch is what let me know it was you work."

"Nobody could tell us when it had last been used to I just stripped it and cleaned it up was all."

Another eyebrow raised, "I hardly doubt if that was all, Mister Sulu, but thank you all the same."

Scotty walked in and handed them each a clean and fully charged communicator, "I Know you'll be wanting some time on your own," he had looked at Spock, "and ye need it after all this but with these we are right there when ye need us for anything."

"Thank you, Mister Scott. I will appreciate having time to reflect yet will be pleased to know should I require assistance I need not call out and disturb others." The engineer nodded but could tell from how Spock was looking at him there was more. "Might I ask where Commodore Fallet is right now?"

"Right at this time, Sir?"

"Yes."

"I will find that out for ye?'

"Do you know where he is?"

"Oh, aye, he is still clearing the block drains. Me other lads are doing different drains that do not see to be so blocked. Once the ship comes with the new pipes it will all be like new."

Janet and some of the other young people came in and expressed their pleasure at seeing Spock recovering and then came back in with food and drink and left the seven of them dine in private. It was the friendly silence that was often there on the bridge. The contentment of all be there, of all being as it should be. Kirk had been in contact with Starbase Eight and told that the Enterprise would be ready for their return and that they should return as soon as the supply crafts got to Bannet Base. They were all to make their statements about what Commodore Fallet had been like on the Enterprise and his treatment at Bannet Base.

One of the local men knocked on the door and asked to speak with Mister Scott. They spoke quietly for a few minutes then the engineer returned and was smiling broadly as he looked at all of them and then just at Kirk and Spock, "Ah, I told ye I'd find out where Fallet was at the time you asked. Seems me lad found him a suitably blocked pipe and Fallet foolishly went about unblocking it incorrectly. At least that's what me lad said. He told Fallet it would be fairly recent waste." There was something in the smile Scotty gave Spock that made Kirk uneasy and Kirk saw an eyebrow raise. "He may have thought he got one over us, Sir, but ye should know ye got all over him."

"Scotty?"

"The pipe was from what Mister Spock was in." For a moment all were silent then Kirk looked at McCoy then at Spock as he remembered how what was in those baths, when he remembered how the drinks had flushed Spock's systems."

"Aye, Mister Spock got that all over him, Sir."

* * *

**A/N Thanks to those who read and reviewed. **

** Have had medical and machine problems so many not be on for some time. **


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